moose-feels:

the incredibly talented and gorgeous tania drew this for me (excuse me while i cry uncontrollably) and she wants me to say something about the symbolism, i suppose, so

i asked her for the favour of drawing sam with stigmata, and she was kind enough to do exactly that! 

stigmata are the wounds of christ—the holes of the crucifixion nails in jesus’ hands and feet, the crown of thorns, and in some cases blood from the eyes. in catholic tradition and history several people have been recorded as miraculously receiving stigmata (most famously, saint francis of assisi and padre pio) as a sign of their faith and devotion. it’s by all accounts a miserable condition, but i thought it had a really interesting symbolism when applied to sam.

sam’s the boy king, lucifer’s vessel, for all intents and purposes damned at birth. to be honest, he’s done some pretty horrible things—granted, he was pushed and pulled by various forces the whole time, but in his own mind, i’m sure, he has a lot to make up for.

if he were to receive stigmata, agonising and unbearable as it is, i think it would be a sign to him that he’s able to be redeemed for everything he thinks he’s done wrong. that he’s been forgiven even if he can’t forgive himself, that his sacrifices haven’t gone unnoticed. sam winchester did, after all, save the world, in a complete and total denial of himself—just as catholic tradition holds that jesus christ did.

i really wanted to see that come to life, and tania has done that for me spectacularly. thank you so much, darling heart. :’)

It starts as an itch in the center of his palm, an itch that burns no matter how much he scratches it. And he can’t stop scratching it. He rubs and itches and scratches his palms until he tears back the skin and then things get weird.

Sam tries to hide it from Dean. He lays wide strips of gauze across the wounds, but the blood seeps through quickly, and Dean notices. Dean then does the older brother thing and starts worrying. He asks Sam questions about it. He insists they go to a doctor, he wants Sam to take a few days off, he doesn’t let Sam hold things.

Sam worries about it, too, but he’d really just prefer to pretend it’s something that hasn’t happened. Sam just wants to move on. Just wants things to go back to  normal.

And then things get really, really, really weird.

He wakes up to change his bandages (he keeps ruining hotel pillow cases) and he sees them along his hairline. They hurt, they itch, they bleed. Tiny little pinpricks of blood, like red stars strewn along his forehead.

“Dean,” he calls from the bathroom. “Dean, I don’t know what to-“

And Dean opens the door, sharp and sudden and he looks at the drops that are falling down his brother’s face and his brother’s soaking, crimson hands and he freezes.

“Sammy,” he murmurs, “Sammy what is happening?”

And Sam chokes on his inability to give answers.

They start researching, starting on medical sites and then moving to some more arcane material. Sam is miserable the whole time.

It hurts. They’re actual wounds, wounds that won’t heal, wounds that only bleed and bleed, making it hard for him to hold anything. The ones along his hairline clump into his bangs and obstruct his vision, and they don’t just dot his face, they stretch all the way around his head. He can’t go out. He can’t leave.  He’s useless and uncomfortable.

They have nothing until Castiel shows up two days into the research.

“Sam,” he says, serious and breathless. “Sam.” And he cradles Sam’ face in his hands, the blood dripping onto his thumbs.

“What’s happening?” Sam asks.

“Stigmata,” Castiel replies. “The wounds of Christ.”

Dean’s lost his voice, but he could swear he could see something more to Castiel as he embraced his prone, bleeding brother. An aura, a halo.

All of the host is singing- Sam Winchester is forgiven

I’d love to see this expanded..