jackhawksmoor:

waterbird13:

No but I’ve been thinking about this since last night.

Do you understand how fucking amazingly impressive it is that Sam is even able to grasp the concept of standing up for himself? Do you know how stunning it is that he could do it?

Do you understand that from six months Sam was turned into an object, a duty, something that was dependent and not a person? Dean might’ve been Daddy’s blunt little instrument, but at least he had a job. At least he felt some sort of value in himself, like he could do something.

Sam was meant to obey. “Dean, look after Sammy…Sam, listen to your brother.” Sam was meant to obey and stay quiet and follow orders and not think. He was the bottom of the ranks in regards to hunting, with John as the commander and Dean as his second. Sam didn’t give orders. Sam didn’t make plans. Sam didn’t think. Sam was never going to be anything more than he was, than what John tried to make him. He did what he was told. Or he was supposed to.

School is where we’re supposed to grow into being adults and Sam was denied that. He was forced to prioritize other things over school, often made to miss school, told to put the minimal effort into school, was dragged away from any sort of steady schooling, was not allowed to dream of furthering his education, and was actively encouraged to end his education. He was not encouraged to have friends. He was not encouraged to make connections. He was encouraged to fall into his brainless, order-following role that John had set.

Sam was criticized, ostracized, punished, and condemned every time he tried to break this role. He was afraid of his father, scorned and screamed at when he prioritized his education, disowned when he disobeyed and wanted to continue it. He has been and continues to be expected to fall into line with Dean as his commander. Breaking ranks is prohibited. Thinking for himself is prohibited and punished.

No one ever gave Sam a single tool for thinking and acting independently. John denied him the existence of an independent person and taught Dean to do the same. The family is a military unit twenty-four/seven, not just on the hunt, and Sam took the brutal fallout of that. Someone has to be at the bottom in that situation, and it was Sam. Sam, a duty, Sam the one meant to follow any and all orders, from everyone, without question, dissent, or recourse to fight back.

Sam who stood up to his father again and again and went to school and is now standing up to his brother, something clearly much harder for him. Sam who has had setbacks in regards to this but is still fighting along, is still ultimately aware that he is a person, and a person should not be treated as he is.

We teach our kids to be independent, it’s part of the job of being a parent. A kid goes to daycare and is encouraged to make friends, encouraged to pick their own clothes, learns to cross the street on their own, do their own homework, drive a car, work a job, go to school and live on their own. And no one—no one—took the time to do that for Sam. No one told him that he was a person, an independent person. 

And yet Sam still knows. Sam still knows and still fights, despite never having been taught these skills with the easier introductions most of us get. It’d be easy for him, so easy, to give in and be what they taught him to be. People would react to him better, life wouldn’t be as hard.

And yet Sam still has enough integrity and enough morals to say I am a person and being treated like this is wrong. He was never taught that. He was taught the exact opposite, in fact. But Sam’s moral conscience is so strong that he realizes that that is wrong for himself and others and fights for independence and personhood regardless.

And that’s just fucking amazing.

Ooooh! so this comes right from my psychologist (courtesy of my horrific parents but whatever) but parents have two big jobs when bringing up a little human psyche

nurture the little human psyche, teach it stuff, make sure it isn’t afraid, all that shit

and allow/encourage the little human psyche, at the correct time, to separate itself from the parent (this means encouraging them to think and feel that they have self worth OUTSIDE of what the parent wants/needs)

now apparently this second step is hugely difficult for abusive/shitty/narcissistic parents, either because they don’t give a shit and can’t be fucking bothered or because they care more about themselves and what they want than about their child’s needs, but either way this second step is WAY important for forming functional human adults and people with shitty abusive parents often have a real problem with it.

Kids that grow up without getting that second-step reinforcement from their parents can have real problems establishing or having any real sense of self (*cough*dean*cough*) or, if they DO manage to have a strong sense of self anyway (some people just have one naturally-looking at you Sammy), they can manifest really strong feelings of rage/resentment/etc toward parents (siblings) who continue to act out on them in ways that disrespect that personhood/sense of self.

These feelings of resentment/anger/rage are there because the parent(sibling) is acting as if that sense of self isn’t there, (or was never formed)- because in fact they haven’t ever really acknowledged it being there and may tend to regard the person in question as kind of an ‘extension’ of themselves. This is actually an act of violence against personhood, and so the reaction by the person can be violent/angry/resentful, because they are (even if unconsciously) trying to protect their sense of self.

I don’t know if ANY of that makes any sense, but it sounded awesome coming from her.