deancasbigbang:

Title: Don’t Kill the Messenger
Author: pingnova
Artist: sketchydean
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Dean/Cas, brief Dean/Lisa, minor Sam/Jess, minor Benny/Andrea
Wordcount: 50000
Warnings/Tags: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Temporary Major Character Death, Stigmata, Hurt Dean Winchester, Alternate Universe – Fusion, Religious Homophobia, John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, Possession, Cuddling, New York City
Posting: 10/9/2018

Summary:

Dean Winchester’s life is about to change. After a weird package from his estranged father, his predictable and unfulfilling routine is upended when blood begins pouring from unexplained wounds in his wrists. Everybody seems to think he’s finally snapped and tried to kill himself and he sounds crazy trying to deny it. When the wounds spread and he starts to lose control, even he begins to question himself. Doctors try to help, but it seems like nothing can stop his downward spiral.

Enter Father Castiel Novak, investigator of miracles for the Vatican. He throws himself into the case, even rebelling against his superiors in the name of this righteous man. Castiel finds that it’s more than his sense of duty that draws him to Dean—it’s also affections he thought he swore off with priesthood, affections he sometimes thinks Dean might share. It’s a race against time to keep Dean alive, and Castiel has faith that it will all work out. But something dark is brewing in the Vatican, and Dean and Castiel are caught right in the crossfire.

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“You were a chemist? Did you walk around with glasses with Scotch tape on the sides and pocket protectors?”

Castiel squirmed. Dean smirked.

“I did, actually. The glasses were only for the lab but… I did get attached and wear them elsewhere.”

Dean leaned back in his chair and laughed. Castiel relaxed minutely. A small victory. Rapport.

“My parents wanted me to become a scientist, I don’t think they particularly cared what kind. I liked it, but I wasn’t satisfied. I became a priest because the Church had compassion that chemistry lacked. I could change lives directly. And because of the holes.”

“The holes?”

“In the science, in the theories. How does a fish just jump on land and become a man one day? Something happened to jumpstart the universe, what was it? There were all these things science just couldn’t explain. I figured there was a larger power at play. God filled in those holes.”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever heard of that got into religion because of science.”

“We all have unique spiritual journeys, I suppose.”

“You’re weird, Cas. And nerdy.” Dean smiled and Cas almost heard the follow up in the air between them. ‘I like that.’

He liked Dean, too.

His gut twisted. That was the other reason he became a priest. His parents were strictly religious and they hoped that when Castiel blushed around other boys it was just a phase. Despite not sharing their faith at the time, he’d hoped too for their sake. But here he was in his thirties, heart fluttering because he made Dean Winchester smile.

In pushing pencils at the Vatican, he was blessed with a sort of isolation that warded off the baser aspects of the human experience. His own struggles—with his faith, his attraction—were earthly human things he could put aside with his mission in mind. The Vatican—the Church—no matter where he went was of one mind about everything. He could trust that every priest and cardinal and archbishop prioritized service to God above all else, just like he did.

Well, usually. For years he’d approached every report of a miracle with an open heart and mind, and every community he crushed when he unearthed the truth, whether it be corrupt priests hoping a spectacle would bring in more money or simply an impression on a wall made by chance and weather… They blurred together in his mind. It was one endless stream of the misuse of God’s name on earth. Especially with his recent case in Brazil, ripped away from him by his needlessly obstinate Cardinal.

He tamped down the affection and managed to return Dean’s smile with one that was only halfway strained. Couldn’t give anyone ideas about how much he was enjoying this. He’d have to move on. After he helped Dean figure out what was going on, or when Dean succumbed to the stigmata completely and breathed his last. No matter the outcome, Cas would return to his holy isolation and leave Dean’s world far behind.