deancasbigbang:

Title: Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses
Author: Blayzepwa
Artist: Amethystaris
Rating: Explicit
Pairings: Dean/Cas
Wordcount: 55000
Warnings/Tags: Past Rape/Non-Con, AU, Human Castiel, PTSD, panic attacks, drug use, hurt Dean, awesome brother Sam, hurt/comfort, word-count over 50,000
Posting: 10/24/2018

Summary:

When Dean’s therapist, Ellen, suggests that he tries something called equine assisted therapy to help him deal with his PTSD, he thinks she’s crazier than he is, and that’s saying something. Horses, seriously? Yeah, really not his thing. But then he meets Castiel, the awkward and…well, kind of strange volunteer with the program. At first he’s unsure of what to think about Castiel, or his horses. But as he builds up his confidence, both in himself and others, he learns a couple things: horses are actually pretty freakin’ awesome, family can surprise you, and that occasionally good things come wrapped in strange packages.

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Dean gets out of the car and looks around. Fields of green surround him on both sides. The grass is tall enough in a few spots to wave gently in the soft breeze, but for the most part it’s just a carpet of green, shorn by the teeth of horses. White fencing surrounds the pastures, paint just starting to peel in some areas but still contrasting nicely with the green of the grass. A few trees grow strong, reaching up into the sky with their leafy canopies.

And then of course, there are the horses. From where he stands, Dean can see a few. Less than he was expecting, but more than he had hoped. Browns, blacks, grays, and a couple with more than one colour munch away on the grass. What a boring life horses must have… Eat and shit. And sometimes have to work with people. Dean decides at that moment he would never like to be a horse. ‘Cause the eating and shitting? That he can get behind. But having to do whatever people want? Nope. No way, Jose. Not for him.

“Castiel!” Ellen’s voice startles him out of his observation, and he looks over to see her waving at some guy wearing jeans and a baseball cap who was just about to enter one of the pastures.

The guy turns, and Dean is immediately struck by how intense the guy looks. Geez, he must really be into horses. The eager gaze turns onto him, and he swallows heavily at how uncomfortable it makes him. But Ellen is right beside him, and if he’s ever going to convince her that he is okay, that he doesn’t need to play with horses, then he needs to put on a brave front.

“Dean, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is Dean.” Ellen introduces them to each other when Castiel comes close enough. “Dean, Castiel is goin’ to be helping us with the horses.”

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel sticks the hand not holding the nylon thing hand out enthusiastically. When Dean makes no move forward to shake it, he drops it with a small shrug.

Dean crosses his arms across his chest. He knows it makes him look closed off, but right at this moment he doesn’t care. Closed off is the look he’s going for. He shoots a glare over to Ellen. She never said there would be someone else here to witness him flounder and drown. And he will, he knows it.

Ellen doesn’t say anything, just raises her eyebrows. Play along nicely. He can practically hear the words she doesn’t say with that look. Great. Knowing his luck, she’d probably rat him out to Sam as soon as they left, patient confidentiality be damned. Then he’d have to deal with a disappointed little brother for, like…ever.

Fine. “Hi,” he says. He’s proud that his voice doesn’t sound as brittle as it feels.