hey man, you wanna hear a joke?

bunjywunjy:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

bunjywunjy:

you bet you do.

so how- wait for it, wait for it- how do you measure a snake?

in inches! because- hang on- because SNAKES DON’T HAVE ANY FEET!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

get it??

meet the Green Vine Snake, a reptilian wiseguy found commonly throughout much of Asia that looks like it just thought of a really corny joke and it wants to share.

eh-he-hee, no feet… that was a good one

reaching lengths of about five feet, the Green Vine Snake lives primarily in the trees, hence its name. it feeds mostly on frogs and lizards, presumably after it has joked them to death

HEY HEY GUYS what river do snakes love best?? the HISSISSIPPI!!!

the snake is only moderately venomous, but has a disturbing habit of going right for the eyes if grabbed. so maybe don’t do that.

I have no EYE-DEA how you could think such a thing of me! these jokes keep getting cornea and cornea!

so the next time you’re walking though mainland Asia and a green noodle slithers out of a tree, tells you the worst joke in the world and then tries to bite your eyes out, you’ll know who the culprit is.

i want this lovely lime shoestring to sneak into my home and strangle me

but if it did that it would be killing you in cold blood