Title: It Starts With a Kiss Author: jhoomwrites Artist: ricketyjukeboxer Rating: M Word Count: 26k Pairings: Dean/Cas Warnings: none
Dean and Cas have been good friends ever since Charlie introduced them. Best friends, even. So what if more feelings might lurk beneath the surface — it’s not like either would ever act on them and risk the good thing they already have.
But a few brief nights together during a shared heat/rut cycle threaten to jeopardize that delicate balance. Especially when they each find out life changing news shortly afterwards.
When you encounter the same little detail in fanfic after fanfic and you realize you genuinely can’t remember if that thing is actually canon or if it’s just something fandom made up.
I sat on the back of the horse. “Now jump it at a canter,” my trainer said.
I froze and started to cry. I was overcome with mourning because I knew my riding was over. I was done. I couldn’t do what was asked of me because my fear had me frozen.
Then I did it. And did it again. My trainer laughed at the crinkles in my nose because I was smiling so hard.
Fear is good. It keeps me from stepping in front of trucks and mouthing off to big, angry crackheads. But it also stops me from doing things I WANT to do, because I’m scared it will hurt.
Here’s the lesson: pain is inevitable. This is life. It will hurt. But I have a choice. I can experience pain in the pursuit of something that I want or I can experience pain by never going after it.
And sometimes it doesn’t hurt at all. Sometimes the joy bubbles up so hard, you turn into a bunny. Jus’ sayin’.
Here are some tips for setting healthy boundaries, modified from the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine:
When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, apologize for, or rationalize the boundary you are setting. Do not argue! Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully.
You can’t set a boundary and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating the boundary in a respectful manner. If others get upset with you, that is their problem. If they no longer want your friendship, then you are probably better off without them. You do not need “friends” who disrespect your boundaries.
At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway, and tell yourself you have a right to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.
When you feel anger or resentment, or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, then determine what you need to do or say. Then communicate your boundary assertively. When you are confident you can set healthy boundaries with others, you will have less need to put up walls.
When you set boundaries, you might be tested, especially by those accustomed to controlling you, abusing you, or manipulating you. Plan on it, expect it, but be firm. Remember, your behavior must match the boundaries you are setting. You can not establish a clear boundary successfully if you send a mixed message by apologizing for doing so. Be firm, clear, and respectful.
Most people are willing to respect your boundaries, but some are not. Be prepared to be firm about your boundaries when they are not being respected. If necessary, put up a wall by ending the relationship. In extreme cases, you might have to involve the police or judicial system by sending a no-contact letter or obtaining a restraining order.
Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. You will set boundaries when you are ready. It’s your growth in your own time frame, not what someone else tells you. Let your counselor or support group help you with pace and process.
Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons from your life – those who want to manipulate you, abuse you, and control you.
Setting healthy boundaries allows your true self to emerge – and what an exciting journey that is.
Today, we had a surprise faculty meeting to address the National Student Walk Out, and I was relieved afterwards to find out that my school would be supporting the students and working with them to make the event meaningful and respectful.
Not all of you are in such a position, however, but there might be some things you can do to turn things around in your favor. I can’t promise you that — you might still end up with a suspension or some other kind of disciplinary action — but here’s some things to try first.
Discover what Random Acts’ co-founder Misha Collins has to say about cyberbullying, and how the SPNFamily Crisis Support Network can help those that are victims to deal with the issue.
Karate, SPN Demonic Octopus Guardian 