You’ve never done anything to deserve being harassed or bullied for your a-spec identity. You deserve to have your labels treated with kindness and respect.
Okay, so ace discourse is going on. People are doubting themselves. In wake of that, I want to put here a list of things I wish I’d known when I first figured out I was asexual. Because when I first found out I was asexual and again when I figured out I was arospec I was terrified. So if you just recently figured out you’re aspec, ace, aro, arospec, or if you’ve known for a long time but the ace/aro discourse is making you doubt yourself, here are some things I wish someone had told me before I became confident in that part of my identity.
It is a real orientation.
Your hormones are most likely not out of whack, and even if they are that doesn’t make you any less asexual or aromantic.
You don’t have to have sex or be in a romantic relationship to be “normal”
You don’t have to abstain from sexual or romantic relationships to be ace or aro.
If you have split attraction and one of your attractions is solely to people of the other binary gender you still have a place in the queer community if you want it.
It’s okay to be confused and not even know what attraction is.
You are not heartless.
You are not broken.
You can’t be “fixed”
You don’t need to be “fixed”
Because like I said, you’re not broken.
Don’t force yourself into sexual or romantic situations you’re uncomfortable with in an attempt to seem “normal”. Just don’t do it.
Don’t put up with “you’ll find the right person” comments
Correctional rape is a thing and although it’s typically associated with lesbians and gays it happens with ace people too. Be careful.
If you’re twelve you’re not too young to be thinking about that, and if you’re eighty you’re not too old to be figuring it out.
If you want to be in a romantic relationship without sex then don’t stay with a partner that tells you that you’d have sex if you loved them.
When explaining things, be calm. I’ve found the majority of people will find it makes sense and are willing to learn. If they’re being a douchebag that’s when you get snappy. Not when people are just genuinely curious.
Don’t waste your time on aphobes on the internet or people that keep insisting that asexuality is just an orientation for people who don’t want sex or demisexuality just means you want to take it slow. They are wrong. Attraction or lack thereof is something out of your control and there are allosexual people that don’t like sex.
If you want to be really loud about your orientation that’s great.
If you want to keep your orientation on the down low that’s also great.
I know sometimes dealing with a world that constantly throws sex and romance at you is hard. You can do it.
It’s okay to be confused.
You’re not a freak.
You have a place in the LGBTQIA+ community. There’s a reason the long version has an A there.
Yes, people actually do feel attraction. They’re not all pretending or exaggerating, as much as it might seem like that.
You don’t have to be good at puns, but there will be a lot. Fair warning.
Being asexual or aspec is a beautiful thing.
Being aromantic or arospec is a beautiful thing.
The love you feel for your family and friends is not somehow inferior to romantic or sexual love.
You can be happy. Anyone that tells you that you can’t be happy without sex and/or romance is lying.
Embrace your pride flag. They’re all pretty cool. And there are a lot on the spectrums.
Your aro/ace headcanons are just as valid as the gay/lesbian/bi/pan headcanons.
Be aware of the alliance with the bi and pan people. They may seem like our complete opposites at first but they understand the erasure thing and are equally bad at puns.
I will say to inform people who still don’t understand this. Asexuality has multiple side branches such as demisexual, graysexual, aro ace, panromantic, and various more. Some people just identify with asexuality as a whole while others identify with ace and a few other branches. Think of asexuality as a tree. So people who always say we don’t exist STOP CHOPPING DOWN OUR TREES.
Today we’re joined by Alex. Alex is a wonderful young visual artist who does both digital and traditional art. They mainly do fanart and character design. Alex does a lot of drawing and painting, taking inspiration from the world around them. They are clearly a dedicated and passionate artist, as you’ll soon read. My thanks to them for taking the time to participate in this interview.
WORK
Please, tell us about
your art.
I do a lot of digital and traditional art, mainly fan art or
character design, though I’ve been trying to branch out a little more. I’m a
big fan of taking things like animals, plants, or even songs, and turning them
into characters. I really like picking out little details from whatever I
studying and adding them into the design, even if no one but me notices them.
What inspires you?
There are a lot of different things that inspire me. A lot
of times it’s a song, or a bit from a song, a piece of conversation with a
friend, a particular color or color palette, or even just a landscape or a
small thought. For my fanart, a lot of times I get inspiration from other
works, other people, or the other things I mentioned. A lot of time it’s music
though. I listen to music a lot, both when I draw, and much of the other time.
It really sets the mood for my day, and for what I draw
What got you
interested in your field? Have you
always wanted to be an artist?
I started drawing when I was really little, and have always
been interested in art, though I never really wanted to be an artist seriously
until I started drawing more and more seriously (I wanted to be a geneticist
when I was little, how funny is that). I started doodling whenever I could, and
developed a consistent style, which ended up changing a lot over a short time.
They were all doodles, but I really enjoyed it. I’ve begun drawing even more
seriously, building up more materials, and expanding my horizons
Do you have any kind
of special or unique signature, symbol, or feature you include in your work
that you’d be willing to reveal?
I like to do little swirlies on my characters cheeks,
shoulders, elbows, and knees, as well as highlights in the hair. I think that
adds to part of my aesthetic around my art. this, as well as the highlight in
the eyes, which, while usually a star, can also help me express the characters
mood. These are some of the more recognizable stylistic things that I use in my
drawings that I really enjoy.
What advice would you
give young aspiring artists?
Keep practicing! I know I sound like a broken record,
because this what everyone says, but it’s really true! Only through practice
will you be able to find your own style, and then be able to develop it! It’s
really quite amazing how much improvement your art can go through if you just
draw something every day! You can also try expanding your horizons by
challenging yourself. There are many different artist challenges that can
really help, with either coloring, or just to help develop your style as well!
You can study other artists’ art, and through that, improve your own art. You
can also identify what you need to work on with your art, and challenge
yourself to improve on that. For me, it’s things like posing and backgrounds, and
challenging myself to work on them is both really interesting and fun, but also
really beneficial for your art
ASEXUALITY
Where on the spectrum
do you identify?
I’m more towards the sex repulsed side of the ace spectrum.
I’m still trying to figure out the romantic stuff, but I’m pretty sure I’m
panromantic. I think having a partner would be nice, but I don’t want to do
anything more than cuddle and stuff.
Have you encountered
any kind of ace prejudice or ignorance in your field? If so, how do you handle it?
I don’t really know about prejudice, per say. When I came
out to my parents, they told me that I should keep an open mind when it came to
everything that I told them. It was kind of a mental shove, and kind of led for
me to tumble down a mental set of stairs. For a week or two I laid at the
bottom of that flight of stairs. It wasn’t their fault at all, but it really
set me back. I haven’t come out to many people, only about 6 or 7 outside my
immediate family. my friends have been really supportive though, and that has
really been helpful. Because of that, my sexuality has really become cemented,
and has become a constant, which I’m immensely grateful for (though I still am
open to any changes, I don’t think they’ll happen)
What’s the most common
misconception about asexuality that you’ve encountered?
As I said earlier, I really haven’t come out to many people,
and so the only misconceptions I’ve really seen are online. I haven’t really
seen much hate either, the only misconceptions I’ve seen are In posts from
aesexual people about aesexuality, and defending aesexuality against those
misconceptions, if that makes any sense. I’ve been really lucky to have people
support me, I know this, and I’m so grateful.
What advice would you
give to any asexual individuals out there who might be struggling with their
orientation?
I’m not really too good with advice, or with advice about
identity and that sort of thing, but I guess that they should take a break from
thinking about it. This is coming from me, a hypocrite, who can’t go one minute
without thinking about it, and who, before they came out to people, was
constantly questioning everything. You shouldn’t let thinking and questioning
things consume you. Take a walk, draw a picture, read a book, listen to music.
Do something. Let your mind take a break. Take a mental deep breath. As I said,
I’m not too good with advice, and freak out whenever someone says they look up
to me, but I hope that some of this can help!
Finally, where can
people find out more about your work?
Karate, SPN Demonic Octopus Guardian 