I did a very quick, sketchy comic because I was extremely inspired by this post. (Credit to @pinkdiamondprince for the original post.)
The entire analogy was just fantastic and so, so accurate, and I wanted to make a comic for it, even if it’s very sketchy because my attention span is nil.
An adorable, helpful, and accurate little comic!
This is the best way to describe aro/aceness I’ve seen! Also, the cutest!
Another little autobiographical comic I whipped together (this was drawn in like two hours tops so don’t judge the drawings lmao). To clarify, I am in a happy long-term committed relationship with a non-ace girl and we’re both very happy with our relationship, and I have never had bad experiences with relationships because of my asexuality. Being ace isn’t a big deal to me – I barely think about it – but asexuality is something that a lot of people seem to have trouble fully understanding, so I wanted to take some time to describe it the way I see it in my life and from my perspective. Every story is different – here’s mine.
I know I’ve posted this before, but it makes me so happy!!!!
A mental illness or a conscious decision to avoid sexual contact.
An asexual person (“ace” for short) is simply someone who does not experience sexual attraction. That’s all there is to it. Aces can be any sex or gender or age or ethnic background or body type, can be rich or poor, can wear any clothing style, and can be any religion or political affiliation. (http://www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/)
Developing an asexual character:
So you want to make or further develop an ace character? Awesome sauce! Here are some questions to ask yourself to delve deeper into your character’s mind and experience:
Decide where on the asexual spectrum your character lies. Does it change/fluctuate? Under what circumstances does it fluctuate? (Keep in mind that this can change over time)
How does your character think/feel about being on the asexual spectrum?
How does your character feel towards sex? Neutral, sex-repulsed, sex-positive? Does it depend on the circumstance/person?
If your character were to find themselves in a sexual situation, what would their reaction be?
How does your character tell people about being asexual (if they tell people at all)?
How do other characters react to your character’s asexuality? How does your character react/respond to these reactions?
How does the society in your story react to asexuality? How does this affect your character? What assumptions do others have about asexuality/your character?
When did/will your character realize that they are on the asexual spectrum? How does/will your character think/feel about this? Is the realization because of a specific event, a gradual understanding/coming to terms, etc?
Writing an asexual character:
Keep in mind that asexual does not mean emotionless. Your character should still have emotional actions and reactions to events in line with their personality.
If the setting allows for it, it might be good to have your character specifically state they are asexual. This will help the reader understand where your character is coming from. Having other characters react and ask questions will help mitigate an info dump.
Be wary of having a plot that calls for the character’s asexuality to be a problem fixed by ‘good’ sex or a sexual relationship. In this instance it might be better to rethink your character’s orientation.
Do let your character have close intimate non-sexual relationships with other characters.
Try to avoid making your character asexual simply as a plot device. It should be an integral part of who they are, not a quirk.
If your asexual character is a minor character it might be best to avoid having them be the comedic relief as this can reinforce stereotypes of asexuals being socially inept or naive.
The Asexuality Spectrum:
When writing an asexual character it is good to keep in mind that asexuality itself is a broad spectrum, not necessarily a simple sliding scale. Your character might fall anywhere on this spectrum. Here is a nifty graphic to help describe this concept:
Sex-repulsed asexuals: those who want nothing to do with sex, period.
Sex-positive asexuals: those who are okay with sex.
Sex-indifferent: those who don’t care but don’t object to engaging in sex.
Circumstantial: those who are only okay with sex under very specific circumstances, such as needing a strong emotional bond (demisexual).
Where your character falls is worth a bit of consideration and many points on the spectrum do have a specific name. As always, sexuality can be fluid and change over time so where your character falls on the asexual spectrum could change.
Tropes to Avoid:
Tropes are tropes for a reason and none of these are bad in and of themselves, however like a lot of tropes they often perpetuate stereotypes and thus should be used cautiously.
Warning: The following link has highly negative content that we do not endorse. It is merely to illustrate the attitude that some have toward asexuality.
Another little autobiographical comic I whipped together (this was drawn in like two hours tops so don’t judge the drawings lmao). To clarify, I am in a happy long-term committed relationship with a non-ace girl and we’re both very happy with our relationship, and I have never had bad experiences with relationships because of my asexuality. Being ace isn’t a big deal to me – I barely think about it – but asexuality is something that a lot of people seem to have trouble fully understanding, so I wanted to take some time to describe it the way I see it in my life and from my perspective. Every story is different – here’s mine.
I have seen several posts about demisexual!Cas or asexual!Cas but none of them go really far into the meta behind this reading. Unlike Dean’s sexuality, Castiel’s seems to be fairly less talked about. One reason for this is Cas’s non-human nature. This makes me and others hesitant to give Cas human labels. I am comfortable doing so because Cas regardless of what he is, he is written by humans that apply human experiences to their characters. Humans have a human bias so all characters that they write regardless of species will have human traits. Often this means that they have a sexuality too. Also, labels are not always confining. I find the definition of asexual broad enough that it can apply to non-humans as well. As many people who are LGBTQ+ know there is something freeing about finding a term that they relate to.
Asexuality – the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.
DEAN Well. Last night on earth. What are your plans? CASTIEL I just thought I’d sit here quietly. DEAN Come on, anything? Booze, women? CASTIEL looks at DEAN and away, uncomfortable. DEAN You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least? CASTIEL rubs the back of his neck. DEAN You mean to tell me you’ve never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding? CASTIEL Look, I’ve never had occasion, okay?
Cas is clearly uncomfortable here and I don’t think it’s because he is some shrinking violet about sex. He just isn’t interested and Dean pursuing the matter makes him more and more understandably uncomfortable. Even though this is an older episode, this same uncomfortableness also came up with Hannah.
CASTIEL What are you doing? HANNAH I’m taking a shower. CASTIEL Um…We don’t need to shower. HANNAH I know. [Hannah looks confused by Castiel’s reaction] Are you –Does this bother you? CASTIEL Bothered? I…I’m not. HANNAH [Hannah smirks] Good.
Hannah was interested in Cas. When Cas was not interested in her in this way. Cas is no longer a virgin in this scene so the writers were not trying to write Cas as some prudish virgin, yet his reaction is very similar to that of when he was a virgin. I believe this is because Castiel isn’t uncomfortable with the idea of sex but is uncomfortable in these two situations because of the situation itself. People are trying to get an allosexual reaction from someone who is simply not interested in these two situations.
Demisexual – a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.
MEG I miss the simplicity. I was bad. You were good. Life was easier. Now it’s all so messy. I’m kind of good, which sucks. And you’re kind of bad – which is actually all manner of hot. We survive this… I’m gonna order some pizza and we’re gonna move some furniture around. You understand? CASTIEL No, I-I – [MEG smiles suggestively] wait – actually… Yes, I –
This doesn’t mean that Cas isn’t interested in sex at all. On the contrary, Cas seems to be demisexual or very close to it. Asexuality is a spectrum from Aces that don’t want any sex to allosexuals (people who are not asexual). There are certain situations that Cas has to be in to be ‘ok’ with sex. One of which was when Meg propositioned him. At this point, they know each other very well and Meg makes sure that Cas is in his right mind before asking. She also makes sure that Cas understood the question. This all leads me to suspect that Cas is more demisexual or grey-ace because this is someone he knows very well and he is ok with having sex with her. Castiel also knew Hannah very well but the difference is that Cas did not see Hannah in a sexual way but as only a friend.
The first time we see Cas in a sexual situation is when he goes to the brothel with Dean. Cas is very uncomfortable there. It is implied that this is simply because he is a virgin but I don’t like this implication that all virgins are prudes. I think Cas just genuinely does not want to be there and does not really want to have sex. Not because he is a virgin but because he falls somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Cas does something really interesting when he meets Chasity. He reads her mind. We know this because he learns facts about her past that she did not share with Cas verbally. Why would Cas do this? and Why was this his first reaction to being in a sexual situation? I think he wanted to get to know her better. He needed to know her before having sex with her.
CASTIEL: It’s very complex. DEAN: Mm-hmm. CASTIEL: If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she’s done something wrong. DEAN: You’re watching porn? Why? CASTIEL: It was there.
Like I said Cas is not a blushing shrinking violet even though he is a virgin. It’s the whole situation of Dean trying to get Cas to do something he does not want to do. That is what makes Cas uncomfortable in 5.03 at the brothel, not the sex. Cas has shown a curiosity towards sex more than being uncomfortable with it. Even in 10.07 when Cas is bothered by Hannah’s nudity this is more because he knows that Hannah has feelings for him that he doesn’t share then the nudity itself.
So why isn’t Castiel uncomfortable when Meg kisses him in 6.10? Before he knew Meg very well? This is because this is an example of Castiel’s curiosity. He wanted to understand what he saw in the porn he was watching. So when given the opportunity, he acted part of it out.
MEG: What was that? CASTIEL: I learned that from the pizza man.
Many asexuals will put themselves in a sexual situation for a similar reason. Even though we may not experience sexual attraction does not mean that we are not curious about what all the hype is about surrounding sex. For example, I myself made out with a random stranger just to try it. It’s part of why I identify as demisexual. Just because Cas kissed Meg and also when he had sex with April, doesn’t mean that he was attracted to them. both of these instances were times when Cas was experimenting with sex.
CASTIEL Yes, there’s more to humanity than survival. You… look for purpose, and you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter. DEAN Where does hedonism come into it? CASTIEL Well, my time with April was very educational. SAM Yeah. I mean, I would think that getting killed is something. CASTIEL And having sex.
Cas clearly saw having sex as part of being human. This is why I think it is important to label Castiel’s sexuality. Just because you are not interested in sex does not make you inhuman. Yes, Cas sees the situation with April in the wrong light but that doesn’t mean we can’t use his reactions to it to gauge what he was thinking. I think he wanted to try sex just because he was human and he saw having sex as part of the human experience. His motivations had little to do with April herself. Unfortunately, I think Cas’s aloofness about sex prevents him from seeing what April did as rape.
Hopefully, this helps put some more light on Cas’s sexuality and shows the great example of asexuality that Cas is.
I tagged some people who I thought may like to read about demisexual Castiel
I love this meta! Great examples and quotes all. I hope it’s okay if I comment on a couple of things.
Sex as a Human Experience
I can see why Cas might think this – Dean is his role model for humanity, and Dean has quite a bit of sex. Dean tries to get Cas to have sex, too, and behaves like it’s a shame for somebody to die a virgin, so you can see how Cas would be curious about it all. Anna, who was Cas’s superior in the past, also cut out her grace and fell to go do things like have sex, so I’m sure that adds to the “this is something great that people are willing to do risky things for” implication.
Cas’s Perspective of Sexuality
Maybe Cas thinks from his own experience that angels in general are asexual. I’m ace myself, and I didn’t realize my perspective of sex and desire was not typical for a LONG time. Since Cas is just learning about his sexuality during the show (the scenes with porn, April, Meg, etc), it seems reasonable that he might take his own perspective as the baseline and think other angels regard sex the same way he does. Cas is an unusual angel, though, and I think this is another example of him standing out from the others.
Sex and Angels
It’s underscored with various examples that asexuality is NOT an angel trait in general. Some examples of other angels and sexual situations:
Hannah was physically attracted to Cas
Balthazar went and had a twelve-way first chance he got
Gabriel went and filmed porn starring himself
Nephilim Jane’s angel parent must have been interested in sex enough to have it and conceive her
Naomi and Crowley were past lovers
Akobel and Lily Sunder were assumed to have conceived a nephilim together, so they must have been having sex
Abner adopted his vessel’s family and took on the role of husband and father (this one COULD remain asexual, but they didn’t particularly imply that it was)
I’m sure there are more but you get the idea. There’s plenty of evidence that angels can feel sexual desire and that many have acted on it, forbidden or not.
Despite being the angel who has spent probably the most time around humans, and having Dean “Mr. Right Now” Winchester as a role model, Castiel seems less inclined to do anything sexual than most other angels. Ace!Cas is a very believable reading of what the show gives us about him.
These are all wonderful additions! I love when people comment on stuff because most of the time I feel like I am speaking to the void. I love that you used the examples of other angels having sex besides Cas that was such a great addition to this.
I was thinking about making a sequel to this because I kinda forgot about Daphne Allen. She was Castiel’s “wife” in season 7 and like you pointed out with the angel Abner it’s not clear whether or not that relationship included sex. Going by their slightly awkward interactions though, I think it is possible that that relationship whatever it was did not include sex. Especially when you factor in Castiel’s reactions to sex from season 9 it seems like Cas didn’t have sex until then.
Thank you, I’m happy my reply contributed something here! It would be good to discuss Daphne, and may I also suggest Cas’s manager Nora while he was human and working at the Gas N Sip? Dean assumed there was interest in sex there, and Cas thought she was asking him on a date until it was revealed that she needed a babysitter. Nora seemed completely oblivious to the idea that Cas might be interested in a date, though. I’m curious about your thoughts on that!
One of my good friends just came out to her boyfriend about being ace. She was so worried about it, and she’s used to having to explain what asexuality even is, even before she can worry about getting acceptance for it.
So she asked him if he knew what that meant, and he was like, “Oh, yeah! One of my favorite characters on TV is ace! (Todd, from BoJack Horseman) I get that,” and it just made her entire coming out to him so much easier and more accepting and she’s so much happier now.
Karate, SPN Demonic Octopus Guardian 