ryan-or-jess:

Sexuality

So I first started questioning the whole herteronormative thing when I was in year eight. I had just moved to high school, there were a bunch of new girls there, and I was going through that awkward teen phase of self discovery.

I had one or two good guy friends, and then one or two good gal friends and we would just chill together, nothing hardcore. It was one of these friends that first brought up a same sex past relationship and that got me thinking.

Now I came from a small independent primary school where there were maybe 150 kids in total, and as you can probably guess, diversity was pretty lacking, so I’d never been exposed to the LGBTQ+ community before.

I started questioning who I was ‘in to’ whilst being with these friends, and found myself developing a not so subtle crush on one friend who was sure she would ‘turn me gay’, saying so as a joke on multiple occasions.

I started labeling myself as questioning, even getting a bit uncomfortable when my other girl friends would change or such in front of me, I was worried they would find out I was confused and then freak out and think I was perving.

And yes, I did lose a very good friend this way, they said that even the potential of me being ‘into her’ made her too uncomfortable for us to be able to continue to be friends. Her loss.

So I was about 14 when I was first introduced to the community and although it was nice to have people to communicate with about these problems I found my choice of the term ‘questioning’ wasn’t as well respected as I had been led to believe.

I found that the community began to pressure me to ‘discover myself’ and to just come out of the closet already even though I was happy to be simply experimenting.

Some people hate on ‘it’s just a phase’ but maybe that’s what I needed, I needed to go through a phase to be able to find what worked for me, and I’m still going through phases now.

Sometimes in an attempt to support the lgbtq+ community, people forget that others should be allowed to question and then go back to being whatever they were before that, or never even coming to a conclusion.

Just because we have all these labels doesn’t mean you have to pick one and stick with it, they aren’t a jail sentence.

Be fluid and changing if you want, like boys, like girls, like no one, like everyone. Filter through those labels as fast as you like, or find the right one instantly. Sometimes when trying on clothes the first few items don’t fit, don’t be afraid to say so and try something new, even if someone says the first option looks good on you.

Ryan/Jess