i haven’t watched 13.17 yet (actually i haven’t watched any of the last ten eps yet woops) but i came across a gifset about sam insisting on watching his cholesterol and
it’s kind of charming and also sad because in terms of ‘causes of high risk of mortality in sam winchester’s life’ a possible future slide into hyperlipidemia, hypertension and coronary disease in a decade or more is pretty low on the list
and yet it also makes total sense to me that he would worry about it because it is the one item on the list he has quite a bit of control over. he can’t prevent his long, steady slide into premature cognitive decline thanks to numerous head injuries; he can’t prevent the everpresent danger of one false move leading to a gruesome death as he hunts (i mean, he tried to, but apparently sam is a Traitor if he attempts at anything approaching self-preservation, so); he can’t help that his mind, body and soul are literally hanging together via angelic thread; he can’t help the ptsd or the hallucinations or the insomnia or his walking depression. but food? that’s one thing he can decide for himself.
it reminds me of the time in early s7 when sam was in the middle of a florid psychotic break and he got into a fitness kick, trying to squeeze in a run/workout when he could. like he said in 7.02, he’s just “trying to hold onto the safety bar and ride it out.”
Let’s discuss this episode from season 1 real quick. Based on the lack of regard Dean has for supernatural healers and their general conduct here, it’s reasonable to think that Sam hasn’t ever seen his big brother so close to death before. He’s definitely seen Dean pretty badly wounded, but Sam’s probably done his best to put those times out of his mind as well during Stanford because that’s what he does: he suppresses his own traumatic experiences for the sake of others. Here, he’s so young—only recently having lost Jess—and he’s already providing that beacon of hope he always does for Dean (and the fandom!) whenever things get bleak. And although it’s easy to forget with how often the boys die later on, this wasn’t the case back then! It’s no wonder Sam’s so scared, and so desperate to save his brother. He doesn’t really know what it’s like to be going at this alone, especially when he’s tied to the hunting life. Still, he’s taking on the burden of keeping faith for everyone already, and he’s never been allowed to put it down. This is why I’m thrilled with recent episodes giving glimpses into his mental health and the weight he carries, and why it’s so important that he has that after 13 seasons of playing the optimist.
Karate, SPN Demonic Octopus Guardian 