Tag: Sam is not fine

Facing the Truth – morgana07 – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester
Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Schmoop, Worried Sam Winchester, Upset Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Mild Spoilers, brother bonding
Summary:

1-shot. The night after his talk with Rowena finds Sam having to finally face the truth and talk to Dean about things that he hadn’t. Sam’s confession then forces his brother to face some truths of his own. *Emotional/angsty!Sam & Protective/worried!Dean*

Facing the Truth – morgana07 – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]

keep the nightmares out, give me mouth to mouth

theriverscribe:

unforgvnsam:

ao3 link

pairing: castiel/sam winchester (could [?] be considered gen)
word count: 4.5k
tags: hurt/comfort, protective castiel, cage trauma, post-lucifer’s-possession-of-castiel’s-vessel trauma, nightmares, minor self-harm, anxiety and dissociation, bed sharing

this is largely @gaywitchtwins​ and @eruthiawenluin​‘s fault, bc we were talking about why cas doesn’t canonically share a room with sam anymore after early s11 spoiler alert: it’s bc of lucifer. and that lead to me hc that sam has anxiety attacks and dissociative episodes painfully similar to the hallucifer stuff in s7 too. i love you but fuck you very much, nate and eru. and if it’s not noticeable, i really love castiel calling sam by his full name and vice versa.

Sam: I thought you got a room with two beds and a couch.

Sam sighs as he sends the message to Dean. It’s stupid. He shouldn’t be nervous or upset or scared or anything like that. Castiel says something and Sam looks up, trying to act normal, even though he lost the ability to feel like that a long time ago. Cas is sitting across from him at the table, helping him research for the case. “Sorry, what?”

“Is something wrong, Sam?”

Cas looks genuinely concerned even though Sam only sighed once, and Sam feels oddly guilty because it just reminds him how damn stupid it is. Sam shakes his head slightly and shrugs. “No. It’s fine. Just… It’s nothing.” Cas gives him a confused nod but doesn’t push, which Sam appreciates while a part of him does wish he would ask again.

Dean: nope, one bed. one couch. it’s the best thing the mtoel had available and I didnt wanna have to find another place.
Dean: **motel
Dean: figured you can share a bed w Cas. i’ll take the couch.

And there. That’s exactly what Sam was stupidly afraid Dean would say.

Sam: Why am I sharing with Cas??
Dean: idk, because you’ve shared w him before. hell, you’ve even shared at the bunker. thought you wouldn’t mind.
Sam: oh.
Dean: DO you mind ???

Sam types out an answer but hits the backspace until his reply is gone because it’s a little too on the defensive side and puts his phone down, needing to take a moment before he tries again. He notices Cas glancing down at the books on the table instead of meeting his eyes and Sam fights the urge to sigh, looking back at the news article on his laptop instead.

It’s not that he minds it. Or he doesn’t mind Castiel anyway. Dean’s right. They have shared before, and maybe Sam didn’t mind it at all then. Maybe it was comforting for both of them. But they also haven’t slept in the same bed since Cas said yes to—

Sam: No, it’s okay. I was just wondering. Also it’s only a full sized bed and I’m bigger than you.

There. That’s pretty neutral and makes him seem okay, right? God, if only he was okay.

Keep reading

It’s 3am and now I am CRYING!

Thanks for this…my heart wasn’t serving any real purpose anyway.

Sam in 13×11 “Breakdown”

ultimatefandomtrash61:

Yes, I know I always hone in on Sam for my analyses, but it’s hard not to when he’s my favorite character. This episode was really interesting in regards to Sam and his storyline, but before I even get into that, I went to talk about the title.

“Breakdown”

There are multiple ways this title can be looked at.

  1. It’s a direct reference to the fact that people are literally getting broken down and taken apart by a human so that their organs can be sold to monsters.
  2. Since this episode did a good job of getting into Sam’s emotions and getting more into his head it can be seen as referencing a break down of Sam’s psyche so that the audience can better understand him.
  3. It can also basically refer to the fact that Sam is broken down at this point, he’s tired, he’s depressed, and the way his life is, with all the negative things that happen to him and the people around him, has just gotten to him. That façade he had put up in the first half of the season has essentially broken down.

Since I have a ton of thoughts about this the rest of my write-up of Sam’s storyline in this episode is under the cut.

Keep reading

White Flag (13.11 missing scene)

indigo2831:

Dean allowed himself
to be mesmerized by the glow of the flickering neon blue and gold reflecting on
the ice cubes as they filled the bucket.  He took a piece from the bucket and crunched
on it as he stomped back to the motel room.

He powered through
the door, unsurprised at seeing Sam in the same position he’d been in for
hours, while Donna cried, first hysterically, then just exhaustedly leaking: on
the couch, facing the wall, hands bracing on his knees.  

Neither of them had
let Donna leave while she was so shellshocked by Doug’s near death and then
losing him in an entirely different way, resigned she’d sat on the couch and
cried it out with the brothers flanking her.
Dean had tried to talk her down, but gave up and turned on Real Housewives, providing commentary
between screaming matches and botched dinner parties.  Sam, on the other hand, had angled his body
away from her, but had placed one big hand flat on her back and left it
there.  

Now that she was
gone, the hand was slack on cushion.  

“All right, tough
guy, let’s check you out,” Dean announced as he kicked the door shut with a slam
that caused Sam to jerk and wince.  

Keep reading

A Priceless Piece

theriverscribe:

scrollingkingfisher:

AO3

Words: 1593

Rating:  T

“Five hundred thousand dollars! Five hundred thousand dollars for Sam Winchester’s heart!”                                                                                                Sam is captured for the monster auction. Some old memories make an appearance.

Warnings for: Torture, Hell flashbacks, Suicidal thoughts

Thanks to @theriverscribe for betaing! You’re the best!

Keep reading

OH GODS!!! 

YOUR DARK IS THE DARKEST DARK TO EVER DARK.

THANKS FOR TAKING MY OVERABUNDANCE OF FEELS FROM “BREAKDOWN” AND MAGNITIZING IT.  IMMA GO COCOON NOW.

My Samoose!!! My squish heart bleeds…

the uncanniness of being Sam

theriverscribe:

denugis:

So I was just talking about how Sam’s reactions are often postponed, displaced, made indirect. But think about how that overlaps with the places where Sam is literally displaced from himself. Meg stole his body and mind and played out some of Sam’s deep fears about his darkness. It was, among other things, an intrusion into and disruption of Sam’s own grappling. And I’ve mentioned before that, so far from being excessively emotional, Sam’s anger about Gadreel is unnervingly rational and temperate. There are lots of reasons for that, but one of them may be that by the time Sam became aware of the possession, Gadreel had already played Sam’s reaction. By the time Sam actually had a chance to react as himself, he would have been able to remember Gadreel pretending to be Sam punching Dean, Gadreel pretending to be Sam saying “Maybe I would have liked the choice” (and how horrifying is it that that bid for agency in his own life was not Sam speaking at all, but the being who was using his tongue and the contents of his brain without his will or knowledge? that’s a whole lot of irony, there). If Sam just sounds emptied and exhausted when he’s finally aware and face-to-face with Dean at the end if 9.10, it’s partly because he’s bleeding out of holes in his brain, but it must also have been partly because he’s crucially belated: the immediacy of his response to what was stolen from him is one of the things that was stolen from him. 

It’s no wonder Sam has trouble with direct, immediate reactions to his own experience. 

I often wonder how much Sam dissociates on average.

Between depression, PTSD, constant retraumatizing events that impact his autonomy, and actually having his personality split three-ways (s6 finale, anyone?), Sam has to have some some hardcore dissociation skills.

And that goes with delayed emotional reactions.

Compartmentalizing trauma is a survival technique. It allows him to function each day with all these memories weighing him down. But eventually, that stops working or one of those carefully sealed “boxes” breaks open and all those issues pour out.