idreamofhazel:

Summary: 13.17/18 meta. Takes place sort of in between/during the episodes and is loosely based on promo pics we’ve seen. Sam’s been depressed this season. We’ve seen it in his behavior, but it’s not really being dealt with, so I’m dealing with it here. 

Characters: Sam, Castiel

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: depression, breakdown

Sam puts one foot in front of the other, each step pounding on dirt that gives way under his running shoes. The leaves are too soft to crunch, but the twigs still snap. An early fall rain has dampened the trail he usually runs and the cool air flows into his lungs with sharpness. He feels alive with every breath, awakened to the sensations in his body. The tired ache in his thighs. The sweat dripping down over his right eyebrow. His t-shirt moving or sticking on his back depending on how the air flows. He feels things he’s trying to forget like the empty ache in his heart and the sadness hanging over his head. His morning run is supposed to be a distraction, but it has the alternative effect of making Sam acutely aware of everything going on in his body and mind. It’s mindfulness or whatever new age terminology they’re using now. Sam’s done research. He knows being aware of how he’s feeling is half the battle. People go around ignorant of their body’s signals, stuffing emotions and ignoring them, hoping through positivity they will change how they feel. They’re numb. Sam isn’t. He knows what he feels. He feels it deeply. He acknowledges it every day of his life. He doesn’t need mindfulness.

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