theriverscribe:

unforgvnsam:

ao3 link

pairing: castiel/sam winchester (could [?] be considered gen)
word count: 4.5k
tags: hurt/comfort, protective castiel, cage trauma, post-lucifer’s-possession-of-castiel’s-vessel trauma, nightmares, minor self-harm, anxiety and dissociation, bed sharing

this is largely @gaywitchtwins​ and @eruthiawenluin​‘s fault, bc we were talking about why cas doesn’t canonically share a room with sam anymore after early s11 spoiler alert: it’s bc of lucifer. and that lead to me hc that sam has anxiety attacks and dissociative episodes painfully similar to the hallucifer stuff in s7 too. i love you but fuck you very much, nate and eru. and if it’s not noticeable, i really love castiel calling sam by his full name and vice versa.

Sam: I thought you got a room with two beds and a couch.

Sam sighs as he sends the message to Dean. It’s stupid. He shouldn’t be nervous or upset or scared or anything like that. Castiel says something and Sam looks up, trying to act normal, even though he lost the ability to feel like that a long time ago. Cas is sitting across from him at the table, helping him research for the case. “Sorry, what?”

“Is something wrong, Sam?”

Cas looks genuinely concerned even though Sam only sighed once, and Sam feels oddly guilty because it just reminds him how damn stupid it is. Sam shakes his head slightly and shrugs. “No. It’s fine. Just… It’s nothing.” Cas gives him a confused nod but doesn’t push, which Sam appreciates while a part of him does wish he would ask again.

Dean: nope, one bed. one couch. it’s the best thing the mtoel had available and I didnt wanna have to find another place.
Dean: **motel
Dean: figured you can share a bed w Cas. i’ll take the couch.

And there. That’s exactly what Sam was stupidly afraid Dean would say.

Sam: Why am I sharing with Cas??
Dean: idk, because you’ve shared w him before. hell, you’ve even shared at the bunker. thought you wouldn’t mind.
Sam: oh.
Dean: DO you mind ???

Sam types out an answer but hits the backspace until his reply is gone because it’s a little too on the defensive side and puts his phone down, needing to take a moment before he tries again. He notices Cas glancing down at the books on the table instead of meeting his eyes and Sam fights the urge to sigh, looking back at the news article on his laptop instead.

It’s not that he minds it. Or he doesn’t mind Castiel anyway. Dean’s right. They have shared before, and maybe Sam didn’t mind it at all then. Maybe it was comforting for both of them. But they also haven’t slept in the same bed since Cas said yes to—

Sam: No, it’s okay. I was just wondering. Also it’s only a full sized bed and I’m bigger than you.

There. That’s pretty neutral and makes him seem okay, right? God, if only he was okay.

Keep reading

It’s 3am and now I am CRYING!

Thanks for this…my heart wasn’t serving any real purpose anyway.