paperwhitenarcissus:

super-sootica:

paperwhitenarcissus:

super-sootica:

Talking about the various motivations, miscommunications and differing effects  of PTSD on Team Free Will resulting in remarkably similar but still differing behaviours and unhealthy cycles caused by those beliefs:

All of Team Free Will exhibit co-dependant behaviours and beliefs.  i.e.  I am not worthy of x and I’m depressed, but I can help this other person which makes me feel good while not addressing my own problems.  Resulting in an unhealthy relationship as opposed to a healthy one

You see, if we look at this hand-dandy chart we see the themes running throughout their character progression this season (and in general), and how they are slowly being overcome.  All three characters suffer from all six traits to varying degrees and are overcoming them bit by bit.  I won’t go over all six for each character because I would need to write a book, so we’re going with the headlines

We’ll start with Elsa over here:

In Season 13 we have a Dean who is becoming much happier (now that Cas is back, what a coincidence).  He’s still working through his stuff, progression isn’t a straight line.  But as from the chart.

2.  Not lovable.  There hasn’t been a massive amount of progress on this front recently.  Dean often pushes people away because he is afraid he is not lovable or love ‘isn’t for him’.  Which confuses his friends and family as he often pushes them away with one hand and pulls them back with the other. Angry that they didn’t call, he was worried.

3.  Don’t feel, this is a character who has been quoting Elsa ‘Let it go’.  this season and openly being a dork.  He has always had feeling (of course) but Dean used to play things quite close to his chest if it could make him vulnerable or didn’t represent his own ideas of what he should be.  Not only is he allowing himself his excitments he is encouraging everyone else to join in.  See Scooy Doo episodes and playing Cowboy with Cas. 

4.  Don’t self care

Dean who always looked after others (as best he could) and never thought he’d live long has built a man cave for his own relaxation and enjoyment.  This is taking his ‘nesting’ from previous seasons with cooking and enjoying the bunker to a whole new level.  This is no longer a Spartan existence.   This is a reflection of new hope, he can care for himself, because he no longer sees his life as one long mission with a grisly death waiting for him (he’s kind of been there and done that)

5.  Don’t enjoy  Almost self evident as to the above.  The difference of course is he is allowing himself to enjoy these things.  He is loving parts of his life now (adventures, his man cave).  And we even see evidence of him spending ‘enjoyable time’ with Castiel, it’s clear he’s not only enjoying things.  He is sharing his enjoyment and letting people in to that (see Cowboy movies)

Then there’s Captain ‘Death Can’t Have Me, I’m Taken’

1.  Am I not enough  This is a huge one for Castiel, a heart breaking one, and a great irony.  As theoretically he is the strongest character in Team Free Will, as a counter point he often assumes the role of ‘Damsel/Dude in distress’.   Castiel is a contradiction in all he does.  An Angel that is filled with humanity, a badass and a softie. The problem has been that he has viewed himself as being useful and needed only in that he is a tool (for his abilities).  Sure they are friends and bonded.  But would they be if he couldn’t help?  When he’s vulnerable he’s often pushed away (to keep him safe, he is pushed away to safety).  Season nine has a lot to answer for in this regard.  But Cas doesn’t want to be away.  And being told not to help makes him feel like he isn’t wanted, because that’s what Cas does.  He helps.

Then he’s not strong enough of an angel to make it all better.  To just destroy all their enemies, he’s tried and destroyed himself in doing it.  Castiel never did feel like ‘enough’ outside of his powers.  Leading to his long depression.  Culminating in his death in S12 (just trying to be useful) and rebirth in S13 stronger and more badass than ever.  He finally answered the question for himself.  He is enough to fight for, Cas will fight for himself and everyone he loves.

2.  Not lovable  Ahh that’s a topic.  Who loves a tool in their belt?  Even Jack’s immediate bond with Castiel, and Castiel’s care for him is substituted for Castiel’s promise to Kelly.  Of course that’s important.  But Cas is almost playing a secondary role in one of the most important relationships of his life.  He relates to his promise to Kelly, not to the parent-child relationship between him and Jack.  He is a guardian.  He doesn’t consider that he could be loved.   He’s not getting a lot further there.  He won’t until communication opens on that….

6.  Am I to blame  This is an extremely common belief held by all of Team Free Will.  Castiel in particular isn’t blaming himself anymore.   His battle in the Empty gave him the courage of his convictions.  He is much more decisive, and doesn’t guilt himself for as long as he used to about what he could have done

Then there’s the Prince that didn’t speak (not Gabriel, the other one)

3.  Don’t feel  Oh Sam, he put such effort into putting Dean’s feelings first this season to try to help him and save Mary/Sam.   He pushed his feelings down, swallowed them.   And we find he’s been holding back on the terror of what Lucifer did to him, and Lucifer’s true face (all these years).  He doesn’t let it out, someone had to try to keep Dean going.  And even if he spoke about the horrors of what happened to him.  What could Dean do?   Nothing, Sam is stuck with it.  He doesn’t talk about it, lest he fall apart.

Ah ha!  But there is a second tortured Prince who didn’t speak. Gabriel.  Who has suffered horrors and fallen from grace.  In 13×17 we see Sam removing Gabriel’s stitches from his mouth so he can finally speak.  It’s almost came out, almost.  How he felt, he touched on it with Rowena and Dean.  But now with Gabriel, his mirror.  Sam himself removes a more physical barrier to the truth and I think by caring for Gabriel he cares for himself, he may yet get closer to dealing with it head on

4.  Don’t self care – Interestingly Sam does self care.  He eats healthy, but he is shamed for it constantly ‘that comes with lemon, think you can handle that?’.  The reason for that?

5.  Don’t enjoy – Sam is watching his cholesterol and you should too.   Sam extremely rarely has any junk (fun) food.   His healthy eating is another expression of his fear of losing control because of the things he doesn’t talk about.  If he eats healthy and does everything right, he is in control.  He rarely even goofs off.  Often it is performative (like taking Dean to the strip club), because enjoying himself is not a high priority.  I am so hoping that this changes.  But it becomes more and more clear he is putting others and the job first and not acknowledging his own needs

I could literally go over every point for every character and pull out examples but I don’t want to make this too long a read.  If anyone would like to pick up another point or expand on any, feel free

This is fascinating!  I was particularly interested in your thoughts about Sam, “the prince who didn’t speak” (perfect epithet & image, btw!), his interactions with Rowena, and how Gabriel has the potential to catalyze his processing and self-healing, as he helps Gabriel process and heal.  I think there’s so much potential for Rowena and Gabriel (Team Free Sam) to be incite growth and change.  Those two, particularly Rowena, could do a lot to show Sam that what he probably disdains as reckless hedonism in them can also be a form of self-care and self-nurturing, and that denial/repression of enjoyment and feelings can be just as detrimental to living a full life as over-indulgence.  I think if he had the chance to have more conversations, to learn more about their backstories, he might be able to convert his habitual sympathy into genuine empathy, in the process building full-fledged adult relationships and a support network that don’t pivot around Dean.  

I adore Sam meta.   And I agree with your thoughts, the importance of Rowena and Gabriel cannot be understated.  Sam very much needs them.   It’s no coincidence that Sam’s childhood imaginary friend Sully, was sweet loving, fleet footed character with a heart of gold and focus on self care.   They are all things that Sam lacks, because even the good things in his life come with a price.  Dean has to sacrifice, and John’s disapproval.   Sam at times is thoroughly stuck.

His astonishment at what has happened to Gabriel is so important, because how could someone so strong, so impervious to defeat and so fun be knocked down so low?  Seeing and archangel broken will validate his own breaking, because if it can happen to an archangel it can happen to anyone.

The Rowena factor is a huge deal too, Sam supports Rowena because he understands, and she is a perfect teacher.  To stay too close to Dean for all of his progress will NOT help Sam, as old character dynamics die hard.  They rarely change without outside influence.

Sam doesn’t get to speak, he doesn’t get to have fun.  He needs to be freed.  He hasn’t even been able to openly mourn Eileen. 

She couldn’t hear and he can’t speak…what a tragedy

 She couldn’t hear and he can’t speak…what a tragedy

Oh, god…I hadn’t made that symbolic connection.  Adds another layer of tragedy to their situation 😧