When Abaddon learns Dean Winchester means to kill her, she moves to take everything from him by killing his brother, but an awkward angel of the lord protected Sam, again. Because nothing is worth loosing Sam Winchester.
Sketched on paper, scanned in and coloured/touched up with GIMP.
It takes Sam awhile to recover from his near-death experience – – as it should, quite frankly; the fact that he even survived is nothing short of incredible.
He’s damn lucky that he has both Dean and Cas to help him, but…it’s Cas who’s been sticking mostly by his side. Dean’s worried, of course, but he recognizes that Sam still needs space.
Cas, on the other hand, had been shaken by the whole incident, so he won’t stop following Sam around. “Do you need anything, Sam?” he keeps asking, his voice worried.
Sam eventually gives in, one night when his still-healing wound is especially sore. “I – yeah. If – could you please get me a glass of water? ‘m not sure I can get up just yet.”
Cas scurries away, and returns with the water, and even helps Sam sit up properly so he can drink it. He sits down beside Sam. “Do you need your bandages changed?”
Sam looks over at him, actually reveling in the warmth a little bit. “No – uh, no. Dean just changed them this morning. It’s okay. Thanks, though.”
“How’s your pain level?”
Sam exhales slowly. “Uh…it’s – it’s actually kind of bothering me. I haven’t taken any painkillers today, but…”
Cas hums, and draws Sam against him, letting him tuck his head down against his chest. “Just relax.”
Sam slams his eyes closed. That does feel good – and good enough to distract him from the pain. “Cas, I…thank you for all of your help these past few days. I’m – it’s been bad, you know. This whole thing. But having you here…”
Cas smiles warmly, stroking Sam’s arm. “It’s my pleasure, Sam. I want to make sure you’re well-taken care of. Though, obviously, Dean does a fine job of that himself.”
Sam’s lip actually wobbles for a moment, there. He’s needed this: the simplicity of someone else just holding him. He hadn’t really realized how traumatic that whole event had been until after the fact. God, that kid suffocated him, for God’s sake, when he was already dying.
“Shh…” Cas turns a little, and he’s holding Sam closer, stroking his hair. “It’s okay.”
Sam inhales sharply – – and feels the tears sting his eyes. “Cas…” His voice is thick.
Cas kisses the top of his head, unassuming and gentle. “I’ll stay as long as you’d like, Sam.”
MOST OF THE time, the denizens of the Bunker were quick and conscientious of the dishes they used at each meal, washing and drying and putting away whatever plates and pans and utensils they had used the moment they were done with them. Sam had picked up the habit in college and, once they had their own kitchen with their own dishes to keep clean, Dean had been quick to adopt the practice. Castiel, when he was given the chance to spend time in the Bunker for meals, followed the brothers’ example of cleaning dishes immediately after use. It was efficient, a sensible economy of use and reuse that appealed to the part of him which still craved the structure of angelic hierarchy. Others who came and went quickly picked up on the unspoken rule of the Bunker’s dishwashing and followed suit.
Naturally, as with most rules by which the Winchesters lived, there were exceptions – two, specifically – which hinged both subtly and overtly on Sam. The first was in regards to dishes used to bring meals, usually consisting of a sandwich or some other finger food, to Sam (or Kevin) when he was deeply entrenched in research and forgot about the human necessity of feeding and hydrating himself. Dean was most often the one who brought the food to the stolid researcher and collected the dishes later after their contents had been consumed, though Castiel took his turn to deliver sustenance when he could. Occasionally he or Dean would have to remind their self-assigned charge that the food did more good on the inside of their bodies than sitting neglected beside them, but the cycle carried on and mercifully no one in the Bunker had yet died of starvation.
The second exception was, perhaps unsurprisingly, linked to the first, though it was not precisely due to Sam that the exception was made. The Bunker’s kitchen had come fully stocked with plates, bowls, cutlery, and glasses, and had also included a serviceable array of plain off-white coffee mugs. Castiel could not have pinpointed who began the process, but he suspected Dean had been the one to purchase dedicated markers for use in decorating the unremarkable ceramic surfaces. The decorations ranged from symbolic (as in literally just a collection of lines and pictures or symbols of no particular esoteric or mystical significance), to inspirational quotations, to pithy quips and sarcastic comebacks– occasionally a whole conversation of witty banter crammed onto the side of a single mug. Other mugs joined the collection, purchased or purloined from shop shelves for reasons only known to the ones who acquired and later added them to the Bunker’s collection, but the inscribing of those plain mugs with whatever came to mind continued, as did their use and circulation.
And circulation was indeed the most accurate term. What Castiel suspected was Sam’s instigation was the coffee mugs’ tendency to migrate to various and sundry points throughout the Bunker, carried by hands belonging to hunters in varying states of awareness or consciousness, distractedly sipped at until either the cup was emptied or something required the use of both hands, at which point the mug was set down upon whatever flat surface was nearest to hand and left to gather dust, whatever contents remained growing cold and developing a bacterial colony until the inevitable would occur– cleaning day.
This, Castiel knew, was very much Sam’s doing. Once per week, usually on a Thursday, Sam would hunt down every single coffee mug strewn about the Bunker and engage in a frenzy of washing and disinfecting them before carefully returning them to the cabinets to resume the cycle. Castiel had taken to joining him for these targeted cleaning efforts, switching off with Sam over who scrubbed the mugs and who wiped them down with first an alcohol pad and then a dry towel. The companionship had prompted Sam to read aloud some of the random quotations and commentary before the markings were scrubbed away, and Castiel obligingly reciprocated when it was his turn to scrub, sharing whatever inscription caught his attention as either poignant or entertaining, and sometimes hearing the stories from Sam about what had prompted their inclusion.
“The Blood of My Enemies” had originally been written by Kevin, angry and bitter and stewing in his own apparent helplessness, and now got written by Sam or Dean once a week in memorial to the young Prophet.
“If the Apocalypse is happening, beep me,” turned out to be a reference to a television series about a young warrior chosen to fight and kill vampires as a sacred duty, and had been written by Sam in a fit of irritation over the latest world-ending crisis that had come calling at the Winchesters’ doorstep.
“Tea-Drinking Apparatus” plus a crooked little pentacle showed up in Dean’s familiar scrawl in the wake of one of Rowena’s brief tenures as a guest in the Bunker, along with the long-cold and “well-cultured” remains of uncharacteristically milky coffee– Dean’s way of being petty towards the witch, Castiel guessed.
“This Is My First Cup: Silence Please” had actually been written by Castiel before he had presented the filled mug to Dean, causing Sam to very nearly spit out a mouthful of coffee when he woke enough to register the words. Sam’s mug that day had received the inscription “The Best Part of Waking Up is Waking Up to You” in tiny letters that Sam blushed to read, which Castiel had taken as a good sign. Unfortunately, his decision to flee with Kelly and hide her and her unborn Nephil child had interrupted the burgeoning flirtation and he had died again before they could speak about it any further.
Jack would have changed the routine of dish and mug use, Castiel knew, assuming that Dean had allowed the newborn into the Bunker. He was right, but only in that the fully grown Nephil had slotted into the same rotation of washing dishes as they were used and leaving coffee mugs lying around in random places. There were more mugs than Castiel remembered, too, because Jack kept acquiring new ones.
Jack had a mug from the sheriff’s office where he’d been held and where Sam had protected him, and another that Sam had bought for him as a combination of joke and encouragement that read “If You Believe In Telekinesis, Raise My Hand.” He had explained their origins to Castiel while carefully pouring coffee into the mug that had come from the town where he had worked his first case as a hunter, a dark blue oversized mug that Castiel suspected might have been intended to hold soup rather than coffee.
There was a collection of six mugs from random tourist stops and travel centers left in the Impala to be found after the mess with Kaia and the Bad Place, as the brothers had termed the dimension they had been sent to, separated from Jack and Mary by something unknown.
A mug reading “The secret to aging is to pick a number and stick with it,” showed up around the same time that Rowena became a regular resident despite Jack not even being in the same dimension at the time and no one could figure out how it got there with the yellow sticky note in Jack’s handwriting that looked uncannily similar to Sam’s.
A plain black mug with a chip in the bottom edge found its way into the cupboard after they returned from the “Apocalypse World”, and Castiel had actually been with Jack when he found the mug that read “Never Drive Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly” with the single painted gold feather.
In the wake of Lucifer’s death, possibly in an effort to distract them from the loss of Dean to the Apocalypse world’s Michael, Jack had procured two matching “World’s Best Father” mugs, one in blue and the other in an odd honey brown with green flecks that turned out to be hand-painted. Both of the mugs had been hand-painted and fired – by Jack, it turned out – at a pottery studio two hours away in Salina, and Jack had been hesitant as he presented the mugs to the pair. “I know that biologically it doesn’t work, but… I’m a Nephil, which means I have one angelic and one human parent, and you’ve both assured me that family isn’t just a blood connection–”
Sam, wonderful Sam, had cut off their son’s ramblings with a hug, one of those incredibly encompassing embraces that Castiel always failed at describing adequately despite fluency in every language ever created. Castiel did not wait for his turn, but instead stepped in close as Jack’s hands fisted in the back of Sam’s shirt and wrapped both arms and his tattered wings around the man he had mentally designated as his beloved and their son, communicating through the brush of his own brittle and damaged feathers against Jack’s young and much healthier primaries the acceptance, awe, joy, and love that suffused his Grace, emotions that magnified as Jack tentatively wrapped his own wings around his fathers.
It was only afterwards, when he and Sam were picking up their respective mugs only to be told by Jack to switch so that they would have each other’s eye color instead of their own, that Castiel realized Sam had not flinched away from the feel of their wings.
In response to some comments I’ve seen about how Sam and Cas had no meaningful interactions this season and don’t deserve the TCA nomination and/or those who think it actually went to Sam and Lucifer.
Friendly reminder that
Sure, this isn’t huge, but Sam attentively cared for Cas in 11.03. Attack-Dog Spell Cas and Sam sassed each other when Sam poked fun at Castiel’s car, and Sam was the first concerned face Cas saw when he regained consciousness to Sam saying, “Cas, are you okay?” Later, when Castiel felt the need to define “perp” to the Winchesters, Sam thanked Cas for it even though he and Dean both knew the word.
In 11.04, Sam showed that he had faith in Cas when he acknowledged that, yes, he knew Castiel could be of help to them, but it was important for him to focus on himself, too. To that end, he told Cas to go into his room and watch Netflix.
Cas spent the next several episodes (possibly weeks in-universe) recuperating in Sam’s room, sometimes on Sam’s bed.
Also in 11.04, (not terribly relevant but because it was kinda cute) we had Cas and Sam geeking out about lore–how to kill a
Nachzehrer
and the dates after which pennies were only copper-plated zinc. Shhh, I thought it was cute.
11.06 offered a beautiful and poignant parallel. Switching back and forth between Sam and Cas and their respective battles, the episode showed us two men who were being derided and overpowered–two men who chose mercy when they were able. Sam handcuffed the demon rather than killing him, thus affirming his conviction to save people when he could instead of focusing only on ‘hunting things.’ Castiel chose not to kill Metatron.
Sam mentioned his concern for Cas right after they left Hell in 11.10 (despite the fact that he was the most severely injured and had been subjected to Lucifer’s attempts at manipulating and degrading him during his entire stay in the Cage) and gave ‘Cas’ that adorable salute at the end of the episode.
Fun fact: Sam was the first person to mention his worry about not hearing from Cas in 11.11.
Castiel overcame Lucifer himself in order to keep him from further hurting Sam in 11.14, when he subdued the archangel with all his power not as the temporary effect of a spell, as in 11.18, but by choice. No big deal.
In 11.18, Sam defended Castiel’s autonomy, saying his choices deserved respect. Again: Sam respects his friend’s autonomy and choices and will defend him to others.
Castiel himself did not appear again until 11.23, when Amara removed Lucifer from his vessel. The finale ended with Cas walking into the bunker beside Sam, offering his support and saying he was “here if [Sam needed] anything.” When Toni Bevell greeted Sam before banishing Cas, Sam’s first instinct was not to face the threat, but to turn toward where Cas had been and call out for his friend. Only after that did he actually turn to face Toni.
But I mean yeah. Sam and Cas didn’t have any meaningful interactions at all this season.
“You know,” Cas starts, his voice quiet as he pets through Sam’s hair, “I’d always thought that…something like that had happened. But I never felt it my place to question your experiences down there, or to dredge up something so incredibly painful.”
Sam licks his lips, his mouth dry from talking. “Yeah,” he replies. His eyes are a little wet, his body pressed against Castiel’s. “It’s – you know. Time’s different down there. Pain’s different. Memories are…odd, the ones created there. “Seeing Lucifer? It just…”
Cas holds him tighter, stroking down his back. “Sam…I – I am so incredibly sorry. What can I do?”
Sam lets out a shaky breath. “You can just be with me, Cas. Just like this.”
Autonomy was such a funny thing about humans, Castiel thought. Such an odd little custom that made such a difference.
Angels have no custom of autonomy. Without corporeal forms, how could they? Angels really have no need for the concepts of choice and independence, but on Earth, it became easy to see that humans depended on them. After all the time the angel had spent stationed on Earth watching humanity, Castiel had begun to think he understood it all a little better. It took only days after meeting Sam Winchester to realize how wrong he was.
The rules just didn’t seem to apply to Sam Winchester. He was the Boy with the Demon Blood, and yet he was kind. He towered over any other human in sight, and yet he seemed so small. But strangest of all, he was violated time and time was again, and yet he never fit the pattern of human victims Castiel had seen over the years.
What struck Castiel most about Sam’s behavior was hard to explain. The young man barely showed any signs at all of being used as a pawn in a larger game in which he had no say. After every kidnapping and every violation, it was business as usual for the boy. And yet, there was something disturbing about his actions. Castiel just couldn’t put his finger on it.
It took ages for him to finally figure it out, or so it felt like. In comparison to the centuries he’d spent thinking he’d figured it all out, a couple months seemed like nothing, but time was different around the Winchesters. Maybe it was because Sam was only twenty-seven years old, that as Castiel began to see through the young man’s eyes, time seemed to slow. But regardless, it struck him.
Sam’s voice was what gave it away. It was the only thing that would shift after his ability to make his own choice had been taken yet again. It was the only sign that yes, Sam Winchester did understand the importance of what had been taken from him. And that was how Castiel realized it: Sam had hardly even known autonomy. Choice—the principle which was hardwired into every human brain—had never factored into Sam’s equation. And all of a sudden, it became too much.
So in the end, as Castiel faced his older brother—an archangel without even the understanding of why angels would need consent nor desire to figure it out—it came down to this:
“You are not taking Sam Winchester,” Castiel threatened.
‘Cas, what are you doing?’, said Sam while he stirred and squinted as he opened his eyes, still heavy with sleep, to see his lover moving around in bed.
‘I apologise Sam. I was trying to cover you with blankets. You keep pushing them off in your sleep. The season has changed and the weather is cold for human standards. I would not want you to get sick’, Castiel muttered and Sam could feel him frowning in the dark, as if he thought it was ridiculous for him to ask such thing.
Sam chuckled as he imagined Castiel’s attempts to turn him into a human burrito made of bed covers without waking him up. He could feel his heart swell with love.
‘I love you, you know that?’, he reached out almost blindly for Cas’ hands, smiling when he felt their fingers intertwine, ‘if you worry that much you could come closer and hug me", he said teasingly with a smile on his lips. To his delight he immediately felt Cas sliding closer and put a hand around his waist, ‘I love you too but I doubt my vessel’s body heat will be enough to keep you warm, I insist Sam, let me cover you up’, Castiel almost begged.
Sam sighed, ‘well, okay, make a burrito out of me, but don’t let go of me after it, I sleep better when you’re hugging me’, he made a sound of discomfort as the contact was taken away from him while his lover retrieved the blankets. It ceased quickly after he felt a warm piece of soft fabric cover them both, immediately after, Cas spooned him again, ‘that’s it my love, sleep tight’, Cas said and kissed the back of his neck.
Sam just snuggled closer and let his heavy eyelids close, letting a calming feeling of peace take over him.