First Fight

fae-and-night:

Are you saying those angels deserved to die?

You think I deserve to die?

Sam sat at the table, nursing a beer as the gentle ticking of the clock filled him with a bitter sense of longing. It had been days since Cas had laid in bed with him, even if just to watch TV. The angel had even limited even coming to his room, with most of his interactions with the angel being in the war room or library.

He and Cas had fought before. There had been betrayals, blows thrown… typical Winchester activity. But he and Cas hasn’t really had a fight while in a relationship. It had started to form during the search for Dean when the elder Winchester had been a demon. He was actually embarrassed he hadn’t considered the idea sooner. It made sense. Cas was smart and sweet, and was what Sam called a cynical optimist. He knew the world wasn’t fair, and that they were always out-gunned and out-manned, but he never left them despite that. He wanted to help make the world better, and to become better despite his mistakes. Sam could heavily relate.

How the hell was he going to recover from this? He wanted to get back in Cas’s good graces, but he still stood by what he had said about Lily. Her family had been murdered. How could he judge her quest for revenge after his whole life being shaped by the need to find the thing that had killed his mother.

“You’re still up?” Dean asked, hovering in the doorway of the kitchen, holding an empty glass.

“Yup. If I’m not sleeping, I’m not going to sit in my room alone.”

“Are you really still fighting with Cas?”

“You just got out of a fight with Cas, don’t give me that look.” Sam huffed.

“Well with you it’s different. One, the dating thing and two… you two don’t get worked up like this. It’s weird.” Dean retorted, walking over to the sink, robe flowing behind him.

“I know.” Sam said with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “He just won’t talk to me. I want to talk to him, but I don’t know what to say. I know he’s upset. I can understand why he’s upset. Sometimes it’s just difficult to be dating someone that’s lived several lifetimes longer than you, and has experiences that you don’t know much about. You don’t know where some lines or and how to avoid crossing them.”

“Tell him that. Cas is reasonable. Even though he’s upset, he still loves you. I’m sure he knows that you didn’t actually mean what he thought you meant now. Just please… work it out. Seeing you both mope around is killing me. It’s like living in the fifteen minute sad section of a chick flick.” Dean teased, raising his glass as he left the room. “Now, Cas go talk to him.” Sam overheard once Dean was out of sight.

A sheepish angel passed through the doorway moments later, sitting across from Sam, silently putting his hand over the other’s. Sam turned his hand, taking Cas’s in his. The ticking of the clock didn’t seem so lonely anymore.

Wow! This is some intense angsting! Great to get into this with a first fight to start with. I think it’s really interesting that Dean was the catalyst for their make up (it’s so fun to think about all of Dean’s layers coming together to get them to snap out of it). I really love how beautiful the last paragraph is in particular! Great start!

“It’s like living in the fifteen minute sad section of a chick flick.”

Best Quote Ever!

fae-and-night:

“Life and Death are deeply in love. Life gives Death gifts, and Death keeps them forever.”

Who could tell how long Castiel had known Sam? Time was inconsequential to beings of their position. If asked, they could agree on three general facts relating to the question.

One, against popular belief, Sam was older. He had been around before God, before the Darkness… had occupied the empty and roamed it for what he would describe as millennia. Cas found it odd for death to exist without life, but in a way it did make sense. Emptiness and darkness was the default of the universe without outside influence.

Two, Cas existed before Earth and before the angels, walking among the stars aimlessly. He couldn’t find much out there, only small patches of the universe responded to his touch and blossomed with life and vitality. Now he couldn’t point them out if he tried, but he still knows that somewhere in the distance his touch lingers and life continues to thrive.

Three, it was Earth where the two had finally chanced upon each other. It was rather unplanned, accidental even. Though it was a bit of a celestial hot spot at the time, a brand new creation with endless possibilities.

————————————————————————————————–

While Sam had no reference as to how long he had known Castiel, the moment itself was searing into his memory, one that he visited countless times over the course of his existence.
He had come to Earth with a bit of reluctance, acting on business rather than preference. He preferred a recluse lifestyle, given the extent of his power. Light would dim in his presence, extinguish at his touch. Stars, suns, supernovas, no matter the energy, he was able to snuff it out without any effort. However, God was a bit of a fanatical nuisance and he needed to be sure this creation of his wasn’t going to cause too much trouble for this universe. He planned on visiting, assessing the situation, and returning to the peaceful ether of the universe.

After extensive wandering he caught sight of another being walking around with a gentle expression, eyes full of wonder and excitement. Small leaves and vines stuck haphazardly from his hair, grass sprouting from the ground as his feet made contact with the moist soil. His eyes were a light, pastel green, with glints of gold and blue.

Sam watched, curiosity sparking his interest at the unfamiliar form. It wasn’t often that someone as old as him encountered something unfamiliar. He would have been content watching from a distance, not needing to engage with the new entity one-on-one to satisfy the sense of novelty he felt.

Cas had caught notice of him from the corner of his eye, turning to look at him with a gentle sense of wonder that seemed … different than the initial gleam that Sam had noticed in his eyes prior. A prickle of unease settled in Sam’s chest, nervous at the other’s reaction.

To his surprise, Castiel made his way over, stepping so light he almost floated across the ground. Sam was rooted to his spot, watching warily as the other grew close enough to touch. What could possibly happen if he touched a being so vibrant? He was too scared to discover the answer, not wanting to extinguish the curious newcomer.

“Hello, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Castiel, the entity of growth and vitality,” the shorter being said, his voice light, yet gruff in a near contradictory tone.

“I’m Death, but you may call me Sam. It is pleasant to make your acquaintance.” Sam answered, lifting his hand in a half-wave as he introduced himself.

“I’ve heard much about you, I have never thought I would have the honor to meet you face to face.” Cas replied, reaching to grab Sam’s hand as the other began to lower it back down. Sam nearly jumped back at the touch, panic attacking his nerves as multiple scenarios flashed in his mind. He was quick to recover upon seeing that Cas still stood before him, bright and vibrant as before, though now wearing a puzzled expression.

“If you did hear much about me, you wouldn’t have been so careless as to grab my hand. It’s dangerous, most of what I touch withers away upon contact.”

“But I didn’t, so it seems I have nothing to worry about.”

Sam let out a single, exasperated laugh. Was this entity for real? He should be thankful to be existence, not brushing this off as if the implications were nothing. He felt a soft shift in his chest, looking at the other with a renewed sense of interest. It was less analytical than before, fueled by something new entirely.

“Would you like a gift?” Cas asked, sounding genuinely excited at the thought.

“…Yeah. I would. I don’t receive many gifts, so that’s kind of you to offer.” Sam said, tone gentle. This entity was awaking a long forgotten part of himself, and in this moment he felt young and carefree. Something he thought he was no longer capable of feeling.

Cas kneeled, digging his fingers into the ground between them, creating a shallow groove in the ground as he lifted up a portion of soil in his cupped hands, feathered clumps of dirt sliding through the cracks of his fingers. A glow of light haloed the entity’s hands, and a small sprout poked out of the soil, growing rapidly into a bright orange flower with a broad, flat face.

“It’s new. Just for you.” Cas said, pushing himself to his feet, stretching his arms towards Sam with a half-smile, the corner of his mouth twitching up shyly.

“I don’t know if I can accept… it wouldn’t fair well with me.”

“I don’t care. I want you to have it. Forever.”

Sam laughed again, choking back a strong wave of emotion the gesture managed to pull from his chest. He took the soil from Cas’s hands, watching the flower dry up. The beauty was preserved, though the life that it once held was extinguished.

From that day forth, Cas continued to give him gifts over the course of millennia, and Sam continued to keep every last one.

Amazing!!! I’m so shook. What a great au!!!!! AU’s are my bread and butter but damn, this is just so cool. I’m stunned. This is so beautiful, and I just love the thought. Actual-cosmic-beings!au is so big, i just. Wow. Stunning

Sastiel Love Week Day IV – Angst: Tempting You And All The Earth

rodiniaorzetalthepenquin:

He knew it was a suicide mission.

Dean knew it was a suicide mission.

Even that painfully young alternate universe Dean that had showed up out of nowhere clearly knew that it was a suicide mission.

Castiel could have told Dean that the fabled Colt, the gun that had taken so much blood to obtain, would never work against an Archangel inhabiting his True Vessel, even a fallen and disgraced Archangel such as Lucifer. Not with the strength and power of Sam Winchester’s once-beautiful, broken soul for Lucifer to tap into, never so much as to use it all up, a continually renewing wellspring of power that fed Lucifer’s Grace like a glacier run off might have once fed the sea.

There were no more glaciers. Hellfire had melted them all away during the first year, raising the sea levels and drowning huge populations of island or coastal people, forcing humanity further and further inland, herded like cattle for the Croats to feed upon and the demons to pick among the rest for hosts.

Castiel wondered sometimes if Lucifer did that just because he knew it would hurt Sam more. He always drowned such thoughts in opiates and cannabis smoke, strangling to purely psychological pain behind the wall of numbness and sexual pleasure that always paled in comparison to the memory of the once fleeting brush of Sam’s hand and the shy flicker of his eyes behind a curtain of hair. Graceless and cut off from Heaven as he was, abandoned by his brothers and emotionally left behind by his chosen General, his sober mind was still too sharp to forget, sharp enough to cut himself to pieces if he let it, so he didn’t. Ever. Let it.

He was forced to keep a certain level of sobriety before the mission. Dean wouldn’t allow anyone to go who wasn’t “firing on at least half-cyllanders” as he put it, and Younger Dean had looked so honestly frightened by Castiel’s drug use and sexual debauchery that the former angel just didn’t have the heart left in him to argue.

The angel once accused of having too much heart, now with barely enough heart to spare his only remaining might-have-been-family.

Abaddon was the one who caught him, dragging him away from the others despite his efforts to remain behind and protect the few humans still left alive. The Knight of Hell was more than a match for him as he was, red painted lips framing pristine white teeth in a mockery of a pleasant smile.

“You don’t die with them, little angel,” she cooed. “Big Brother wants a word before you meet your end, and I wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.”

Five years since Castiel had seen Sam Winchester, and yet his face remained unchanged, a testimate to Lucifer’s presence inside his body even without the pristine white suit and the almost mocking edge to what might have been a fond smile curving his lips. Castiel’s bones ached in an all too human way from where he had hit the ground when Abaddon shoved him to his knees before his former elder brother who wore his might-have-been lover’s face, and his throat ached from dryness and the urge to retch or scream, but he did not dare look away.

“He’s still in here, you know,” Lucifer remarked with a casualness that was anything but truly casual. “Sam, I mean. I almost thought I might have to worry for my grip on him when I killed his brother, but the way that empty soul looked at us….”

“Dean no longer believed there was anything of his Sam left in you,” Castiel rasped, a minute flinch escaping him at the raggedness of his voice.

“But you know better, don’t you, Castiel,” Lucifer crooned, coming closer. “You know that only Sam could truly inspire such creative savagery in me–”

“No,” Castiel interrupted, and had the satisfaction of seeing Lucifer blink. He smiled, a wide and weary sort of grin that set his split lip bleeding again, and tilted his face up to look through Lucifer’s eyes and into Sam. “I knew that even your savagery could never completely destroy Sam’s kind heart and clever mind. Otherwise… Dean would still be alive.”

“What–” Lucifer started, his eyes narrowing, only to be interrupted once again by Castiel’s splintering laughter.

“It was a mercy,” he gasped, swaying with the force of his amusement, of the irony being shown. “Killing Dean now… that poor broken bastard is finally at peace! He’s free!” He slumped, as if by saying that, declaring that freedom, the strings that held him bound had likewise been severed. He clutched at the ragged, metaphorical ends, willing himself to hold on a little longer as Lucifer continued to stare at him.

“Explain,” the formerly brightest Archangel of Heaven demanded, low and hard, and Castiel could not help but laugh again.

“Explain what? Did you think I was still here because I want to live?” he demanded of Lucifer, rocking and shuffling forward on his knees, another burst of shattered giggles escaping him as Lucifer actually took a step back. “Oh, no, big brother… I only stuck around because I wanted to see Sam one last time. ‘Cause I knew you still had him.”

“And what did you hope to gain by seeing him?” Lucifer asked, his lilting tone too tense for true mockery. “Another chance to overthrow me? Another futile chance to avert what is already far too late to stop?”

“Another chance to tell him what I should have said the day I took his hand,” Castiel breathed, and saw the words strike home as Lucifer stilled. Just a little longer now… “Sam Winchester, the boy with the purest soul on Earth or in Heaven… I love you… and I am honored to have been allowed to know you.”

He let go at last, and the warehouse erupted in the light of Grace.

Oh my god.  This is beautiful and terrible and haunting and Castiel is absolutely 100% right.  Sam would have wanted Dean to die, so he could be at what passed for peace with him still separated from his brother.

ladylilithprime:

The Blood Of My Enemies

And Other Coffee Cup Inspirations

Sastiel Creations Challenge | @ladylilithprime

Theme: Daily Life | Prompt: Dishes

Read On AO3

MOST OF THE time, the denizens of the Bunker were quick and conscientious of the dishes they used at each meal, washing and drying and putting away whatever plates and pans and utensils they had used the moment they were done with them. Sam had picked up the habit in college and, once they had their own kitchen with their own dishes to keep clean, Dean had been quick to adopt the practice. Castiel, when he was given the chance to spend time in the Bunker for meals, followed the brothers’ example of cleaning dishes immediately after use. It was efficient, a sensible economy of use and reuse that appealed to the part of him which still craved the structure of angelic hierarchy. Others who came and went quickly picked up on the unspoken rule of the Bunker’s dishwashing and followed suit.

Naturally, as with most rules by which the Winchesters lived, there were exceptions – two, specifically – which hinged both subtly and overtly on Sam. The first was in regards to dishes used to bring meals, usually consisting of a sandwich or some other finger food, to Sam (or Kevin) when he was deeply entrenched in research and forgot about the human necessity of feeding and hydrating himself. Dean was most often the one who brought the food to the stolid researcher and collected the dishes later after their contents had been consumed, though Castiel took his turn to deliver sustenance when he could. Occasionally he or Dean would have to remind their self-assigned charge that the food did more good on the inside of their bodies than sitting neglected beside them, but the cycle carried on and mercifully no one in the Bunker had yet died of starvation.

The second exception was, perhaps unsurprisingly, linked to the first, though it was not precisely due to Sam that the exception was made. The Bunker’s kitchen had come fully stocked with plates, bowls, cutlery, and glasses, and had also included a serviceable array of plain off-white coffee mugs. Castiel could not have pinpointed who began the process, but he suspected Dean had been the one to purchase dedicated markers for use in decorating the unremarkable ceramic surfaces. The decorations ranged from symbolic (as in literally just a collection of lines and pictures or symbols of no particular esoteric or mystical significance), to inspirational quotations, to pithy quips and sarcastic comebacks– occasionally a whole conversation of witty banter crammed onto the side of a single mug. Other mugs joined the collection, purchased or purloined from shop shelves for reasons only known to the ones who acquired and later added them to the Bunker’s collection, but the inscribing of those plain mugs with whatever came to mind continued, as did their use and circulation.

And circulation was indeed the most accurate term. What Castiel suspected was Sam’s instigation was the coffee mugs’ tendency to migrate to various and sundry points throughout the Bunker, carried by hands belonging to hunters in varying states of awareness or consciousness, distractedly sipped at until either the cup was emptied or something required the use of both hands, at which point the mug was set down upon whatever flat surface was nearest to hand and left to gather dust, whatever contents remained growing cold and developing a bacterial colony until the inevitable would occur– cleaning day.

This, Castiel knew, was very much Sam’s doing. Once per week, usually on a Thursday, Sam would hunt down every single coffee mug strewn about the Bunker and engage in a frenzy of washing and disinfecting them before carefully returning them to the cabinets to resume the cycle. Castiel had taken to joining him for these targeted cleaning efforts, switching off with Sam over who scrubbed the mugs and who wiped them down with first an alcohol pad and then a dry towel. The companionship had prompted Sam to read aloud some of the random quotations and commentary before the markings were scrubbed away, and Castiel obligingly reciprocated when it was his turn to scrub, sharing whatever inscription caught his attention as either poignant or entertaining, and sometimes hearing the stories from Sam about what had prompted their inclusion.

“The Blood of My Enemies” had originally been written by Kevin, angry and bitter and stewing in his own apparent helplessness, and now got written by Sam or Dean once a week in memorial to the young Prophet.

“If the Apocalypse is happening, beep me,” turned out to be a reference to a television series about a young warrior chosen to fight and kill vampires as a sacred duty, and had been written by Sam in a fit of irritation over the latest world-ending crisis that had come calling at the Winchesters’ doorstep.

“Tea-Drinking Apparatus” plus a crooked little pentacle showed up in Dean’s familiar scrawl in the wake of one of Rowena’s brief tenures as a guest in the Bunker, along with the long-cold and “well-cultured” remains of uncharacteristically milky coffee– Dean’s way of being petty towards the witch, Castiel guessed.

“This Is My First Cup: Silence Please” had actually been written by Castiel before he had presented the filled mug to Dean, causing Sam to very nearly spit out a mouthful of coffee when he woke enough to register the words. Sam’s mug that day had received the inscription “The Best Part of Waking Up is Waking Up to You” in tiny letters that Sam blushed to read, which Castiel had taken as a good sign. Unfortunately, his decision to flee with Kelly and hide her and her unborn Nephil child had interrupted the burgeoning flirtation and he had died again before they could speak about it any further.

Jack would have changed the routine of dish and mug use, Castiel knew, assuming that Dean had allowed the newborn into the Bunker. He was right, but only in that the fully grown Nephil had slotted into the same rotation of washing dishes as they were used and leaving coffee mugs lying around in random places. There were more mugs than Castiel remembered, too, because Jack kept acquiring new ones.

Jack had a mug from the sheriff’s office where he’d been held and where Sam had protected him, and another that Sam had bought for him as a combination of joke and encouragement that read “If You Believe In Telekinesis, Raise My Hand.” He had explained their origins to Castiel while carefully pouring coffee into the mug that had come from the town where he had worked his first case as a hunter, a dark blue oversized mug that Castiel suspected might have been intended to hold soup rather than coffee.

There was a collection of six mugs from random tourist stops and travel centers left in the Impala to be found after the mess with Kaia and the Bad Place, as the brothers had termed the dimension they had been sent to, separated from Jack and Mary by something unknown.

A mug reading “The secret to aging is to pick a number and stick with it,” showed up around the same time that Rowena became a regular resident despite Jack not even being in the same dimension at the time and no one could figure out how it got there with the yellow sticky note in Jack’s handwriting that looked uncannily similar to Sam’s.

A plain black mug with a chip in the bottom edge found its way into the cupboard after they returned from the “Apocalypse World”, and Castiel had actually been with Jack when he found the mug that read “Never Drive Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly” with the single painted gold feather.

In the wake of Lucifer’s death, possibly in an effort to distract them from the loss of Dean to the Apocalypse world’s Michael, Jack had procured two matching “World’s Best Father” mugs, one in blue and the other in an odd honey brown with green flecks that turned out to be hand-painted. Both of the mugs had been hand-painted and fired – by Jack, it turned out – at a pottery studio two hours away in Salina, and Jack had been hesitant as he presented the mugs to the pair. “I know that biologically it doesn’t work, but… I’m a Nephil, which means I have one angelic and one human parent, and you’ve both assured me that family isn’t just a blood connection–”

Sam, wonderful Sam, had cut off their son’s ramblings with a hug, one of those incredibly encompassing embraces that Castiel always failed at describing adequately despite fluency in every language ever created. Castiel did not wait for his turn, but instead stepped in close as Jack’s hands fisted in the back of Sam’s shirt and wrapped both arms and his tattered wings around the man he had mentally designated as his beloved and their son, communicating through the brush of his own brittle and damaged feathers against Jack’s young and much healthier primaries the acceptance, awe, joy, and love that suffused his Grace, emotions that magnified as Jack tentatively wrapped his own wings around his fathers.

It was only afterwards, when he and Sam were picking up their respective mugs only to be told by Jack to switch so that they would have each other’s eye color instead of their own, that Castiel realized Sam had not flinched away from the feel of their wings.

jupiterjames:

ladylilithprime
replied to your post “Holy fucking writer’s block, Batman. Does anyone have any prompts they…”

Dare you to write Sastiel cuddles with wing hugs.

“You’re very large,” Castiel says.

Sam chuckles. “What, you’re just now noticing?”

“No, but it’s just now bothering me,” Castiel replies, burrowing harder against Sam’s broad chest. “Dean calls you ‘octopus arms’ sometimes, and he’s right.”

Sam tightens his hold, resting his chin on the crown of Castiel’s head. “What’s with the whining?” he says affectionately. “You still mad I was gone for a week without you?”

“Don’t treat me like a child. I am an Angel of the Lord.” 

With that amount of petulance, and his voice muffled by Sam’s shirt, he sounds more like a Toddler who Needs a Nap. “You don’t have to be the strongest all the time,” Sam says softly, running his hands up and down Castiel’s bare back. He enjoys catching the angel after he’s had a long, hot shower. “Or the biggest.”

Castiel snorts. “No, but… when you’ve been away… it’s foolish. I wish I could fold you up like you do me. It’s comforting.”

The sentiment makes Sam’s entire being flush with happiness. “Hey,” he says softly. Castiel looks up, and Sam kisses him briefly. “I feel it, anyway.”

Castiel loops his hands around Sam’s neck, drawing him back down for a deeper kiss that the taller man is more than happy to oblige. But then… Castiel shifts in his arms, there’s a rustling, and Sam feels something he’s never felt before. Warmth and a bit of static cling.

He blinks his eyes open to find him and Castiel encased in darkness. “Wow,” he breathes.

The black wings arch over them in a cocoon. The long feathers at the base of Castiel’s wings invite Sam to shuffle even closer with a gentle pressure on his back. He leans against the angel with a sigh. “You see?” Castiel murmurs.

“Yeah,” Sam whispers. He feels completely surrounded. Safe. Loved. He gingerly slips his arms down under Castiel’s wing joints and around his waist. He hums with contentment. “You can do this any time you want.”

Castiel smiles as he arches up for another kiss. “Noted.”

Do I Worry chapter 21: Double Date

beingcouy:

“Hey.” Dean’s voice cut through the dream I was having about falling off a balcony. When I opened my eyes, I found the sexy young man standing over me with a plate of waffles in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. “Hungry?”

– – –

Read it on Ao3!

– – –

Gabriel’s got enough to deal with, moving and raising his baby brother Cas. When Cas’s “imaginary” little friend Sammy shows up on their doorstep, though, things get complicated fast.

Sastiel/s9/ wing!kink! Cas gets hit with a spell that makes his wings manifest physically and Sam wants to touch them so badly.

kansaskissedlips:

Sam can’t stop staring at them – the way they protrude from Castiel’s broad shoulders; God, they look soft. “Does – does it hurt when they come out like that?” he finally asks.

Castiel smiles, shaking his head. “No, Sam. It’s just a little pressure. Nothing I can’t handle, to be honest. Would you like to feel them?”

Sam swallows hard. “Is – is that allowed? Like, it won’t hurt you or anything?”

“No, definitely not. On the contrary, it feels nice when someone touches them. Go on – – I promise it’s okay.”

Sam reaches out, letting his fingers brush just over the tip of the wing, and yeah – it might be the softest thing he’s ever freakin’ felt. “Wow, how come you don’t let this out more often?”

Castiel shrugs. “As you can see, they take up a fair bit of room.” He reaches his own hand out, fingers grazing Sam’s hair. “You’re very beautiful…”

Sam’s eyes widen, his cheeks hot. “W-What?” His finger stop, resting lightly on the feather.

“I’ve been meaning to say that for years, Sam Winchester.”

df-chan:

It doesn’t feel like victory.

The flight was more like a tumble through the air. Castiel practically crashed in front of the entrance to the bunker.

But he didn’t pause to ponder on the scorching feel of the foreign grace somewhere inside Jimmy’s skin. He hurried into the bunker, flying, as soon as he passed the warded entrance.

He found him from the first try.

Slumped unconscious on the table, with alcohol-stained breath and still bloody face, Sam was oblivious to his entrance.

Castiel paused to stare at the human. At the human who manajed to condem and save the world once. And only one thought he never wants to associate with Sam Winchester came to his mind.

Broken.

Broken, fragile, human soul, that wept so loudly, that even Castiel’s fading grace resonated with it’s devastation, echoing with his own pain over the loss.

His hand found Sam’s forehead, and he bowed his head.

It doesn’t feel like victory.

*sobs* the ANGST!!!