Sam’s Fear (part 1)

emptywithout:

Ok guys…here we go. Part 1 of a new
(old) series…

Warnings:  self harm (sort of) mentioned
but not described, terrified Sam, protective Dean. 

“Sammy! Coffee!” Dean hollered to
his brother from the kitchen.  But there was no response.  Dean
waited a few more minutes and Sam still hadn’t responded, hadn’t made a sound.
Dean paused and listened closely before he called again. The bunker was quiet.

“Sam, get your ass down here, we
gotta hit the road in ten!”  Still there was nothing but silence. Dean
sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.  Sam was probably fixing his hair or
something. He headed down the hall to Sam’s bedroom.  He gave a sharp
knock, making sure Sam knew of his impatience. Sam did not respond.

“Dude, seriously, come on –“
Dean opened the door to his brother’s room.  He did not expect to find the
bedroom empty.  Dean frowned.  Where the hell was his brother?

He searched all the main rooms, his
own room, and the bathroom, but couldn’t find his brother.  He tried
calling his cell, but Sam did not pick up. It wasn’t like Sam to just take off
without telling him.  His heart beat a little faster, but he wasn’t
worried just yet.

That is, until he opened the door to
the boiler room and found Sam crouched in the corner, visibly shaking.

 “Sam?”  Dean started to
run toward his younger brother.

Sam held up his hand and yelled for
Dean to stop.  In his other hand, he held a large knife.  Dean’s eyes
grew wide and he froze in his tracks.

“Sam?” Dean asked cautiously.
 “What are you doing with the knife?”

Sam shook his head. He was sweating
and he looked terrified.

 “It’s all my fault, Dean. All
of this.  Every last thing.  My fault.”  His eyes turned away
from Dean and he stared at the wall, knife still held firmly in his grasp.

“What’s your fault, Sam?” He tried
to slowly make his way over to his brother.

 “Charlie died because of me,
Dean.  You know that.  You accused me of that.  You told me it
should have been me up there, my body burning.  I know now you were right.
 I should have died.”  Sam had shifted himself underneath a
table.  He awkwardly pulled his knees up under his chin,  his body
trembling.

 Dean blinked.  He was
confused.  Where was this suddenly coming from? He tried to keep his voice
calm, even though he was angry and scared. How was he going to fix this?

“I…I was under the mark of Cain,
Sam! I don’t think it should have been you.  You know that, right?” 
Dean tried to sound reassuring as he tried to assess the situation.  But
Sam was shaking his head.  

“Kevin too.  I literally was
the one who murdered him.”  He started chewing on his fingernails.

“Sam, that was Gadreel!”  He
raked his hands through his hair.  Dean’s concern over Sam’s behavior was
growing.  What was going on?  He couldn’t get any closer because Sam
kept clutching the knife, holding it closer to his body.

 Sam kept talking, much faster
than usual.

“And that car accident? When Dad
traded his soul for yours so that you could live?  I was driving the
fucking car, Dean!”

“Sammy, you’re not seriously blaming
yourself for that?  Azazel sent a demon after us, it doesn’t matter who
was driving!”

“You know what else?” Sam was
practically sobbing now.  “Bobby, too.  He died because of me!”

“Sam, hell, no! Dick Roman killed
Bobby!”  Dean tried to reach out to his brother, but Sam was startled by
the quick movement and scooted further back under the table, moving the knife
to his neck.

“Sammy!  What the hell are you
doing, put that down!”  Dean choked back a sob.

“And whose fault is it that the
Leviathans were released, huh?  Who started all of that!  That was
me!” Sam’s voice caught in his throat and his sobbing intensified.

Dean shook his head, tears falling
from his eyes, too.

“Sammy stop!”

Dean couldn’t believe what he was
hearing.  Or seeing. He had to do something.

He didn’t want to call him, but he
needed backup for this one, and he knew the demon could probably help.

“Crowley!” Dean called, balling his
fists against his sides, his voice thick with panic.  

(to be continued…)

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Hold You Close | Archive of Our Own

talkingtomyselfagain:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14365155/chapters/33161907


Written for a prompt by TheRiverScribe.

Asmodeus is pissed. He’s lost Gabriel. Lost Lucifer and Castiel and Jack.
In a last-ditch effort to regain control, he goes after his “brother’s” failed experiment: Sam Winchester.

Sam, the one who was supposed to be the Boy-King of Hell. Who was fed Azazel’s blood at 6 months of age. Who was groomed to become the vessel for Lucifer. Who DID house the archangel and then spend centuries in the cage.

Now, Asmodeus, last Prince of Hell, has been juicing on archangel grace. And he’s in need of a replacement pet seeing as his last one was stolen so rudely. May as well try keeping this one on a leash of blood-lust.

Sam doesn’t do well in Hell. The demon-grace blood reawakens Sam’s old powers…and sparks some new ones. But can he keep himself sane long enough to gain control? Will anyone even notice he’s gone? Gabriel was practically catatonic and Cas more worried about Dean and Jack than anything else when Sam was taken by demons on a grocery run.

And time…moves so much faster in Hell…

WARNINGS for physical and psychological torture, graphic scenes of violence and torture, disturbing imagery, major character death (temporary). Please tread carefully and take care of yourself.

Spoilers for 13.18 – Bring ‘em Home Alive

@ladylilithprime @dreamhunter-trash @scrollingkingfisher  @theriverscribe @whinywingedwinchester @youarentreadingthis @fun-sarcasm-and-writing @cloakedwing @smashalecki @1-dee-4 @perpetual-danger @sassysousa @samdaboykingprodigy02 @dreamsfrozenincandyland-blo-blog @karategirl80

Hold You Close
|
Archive of Our Own

His Golden Beacon

archangelgabriellives:

rabbit-recommends:

authoressskr:

Characters: Gabriel, Castiel, Mentions of God, Michael, Lucifer, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester   ::   Warnings: Tiny bit of angst   ::   Word Count: 767

Written for @sdavid09‘s Daily Writing Challenge – Prompt #27: Perspective is everything. Write a story about your character, but through the eyes and perspective of someone else.

Note: Please do NOT repost, copy & paste, post or share my works on any other platform without my EXPRESS PERMISSION.

-+- REBLOGGING is fine and very appreciated! -+-

When Cas was young, he wanted to be an archangel.

Once he learned that wasn’t possible, Cas decided to emulate his favorite big brother – Gabriel.

Gabriel was easy-going, caring and always the best at easing a tense situation. If he hadn’t been the one to instigate it, of course.

But his brother was the most fair angel Castiel knew.

From helping the fledglings like himself to walking for hours with Gadreel and pointing out all the different flowers and plants as Joshua overlooks to being a giant jungle gym for his younger siblings to crawl on. He was caring and very nearly always smiling. A golden beacon of joy.

Until one day, his smile was tight. His wings weren’t spread as wide to wrap around all of them as they clamored over to him. Even his golden light seemed a little dimmer as he watched him come from where the archangels mostly kept to. Cas had approached him, worry creasing his little brow as he crept closer to his giant of a brother.

“Gabriel? Are you well?” He startles minutely, glancing down at the little angel.

“Humm? Oh, yes, Castiel.”

“You don’t seem well.” Castiel is unconvinced and Gabriel plonks down, his hands and wings ensconcing Castiel into his arms.

“Lucifer and Michael argue lots now. Don’t worry, little dove, it’s usually about stupid, simple things.”

“You don’t argue. Why must they?”

“Everyone argues sometime. They are just very different.”

“We’re different.”

“No, Castiel. You and I aren’t that different at all.” Castiel looks up at Gabriel, confused but with happiness blooming deep in his chest at Gabriel’s confession.

“Really?”

“Really, little dove. We both like watching the bees dance in the flowers, making shapes out of the clouds, we both love our brothers very much and like to watch the goings on of Earth. Life down there is fascinating, and I can’t wait to take you down there, Castiel. To see all the animals and things growing down there. And the things evolving down there! Even more fun to watch than bees!”

“More fun than bees?!” Castiel turns in his arms, standing on Gabriel’s thighs with a wide smile.

“Lots more!”

“And we’ll see Earth together, Gabriel?”

“Oh yeah! Me and you will be together for a long time, little dove.”

“And we won’t argue like Lucifer and Michael, will we?”

“No.” Tilting Castiel’s dropped chin, Gabriel’s smile has a sad tinge now. “We could never argue like them. You’re special, Castiel.”

“I am?”

“Uh-huh. You’re my little dove. The most special angel created.” Gabriel’s praise lights up his eyes and makes them water a little like he was trying to tell Castiel something that he just couldn’t quite grasp.

With every passing day, Gabriel seemed to grow tenser. As did his smile until it nearly disappeared completely. Their Father sent him to deliver a message a few months after that, Castiel pulling on his arm to ask him about Earth and human upon his arrival, only for Gabriel to bestow a tired smile and one word before disappearing into the archangel’s haven, “Later.” Castiel had nodded solemnly at his favorite brother’s back, finally noticing how his shoulders slumped slightly before he disappeared from sight.

And unknown to Castiel, it would be the last time he saw his brother until millennia later, finally seeing him face to face while he was surrounded by a ring of holy fire. It was familiar and yet all too unfamiliar. Gabriel’s vessel’s face held a serious undertone as Dean and Sam spoke to him, the belittlement of his search for their Father still stung. And walking out on his brother, watching the water stream down his face as Dean washed away the holy fire, one was of the little heartbreaks that Castiel had come to know.

And, on that late April evening in 2010, Castiel heard from his brother for the last time.

Cassie, keep these damn Winchesters in line. Don’t underestimate Lucifer and the lengths that dick will go to. Goodbye, little dove.

So, when Castiel steps into the holding cell in which Gabriel had spent far too much time, his big brother’s lips sewn shut, Castiel nearly wept.

Together again, little dove.

Wrapping his arms firmly around his brother’s smaller vessel, he squeezes as tight as he dares.

It’s about time, Gabriel.

“I’m going to take you home, brother. Where you can heal.” Wrapping his own haggard wings around Gabriel, Castiel walks him confidently from his prison and out and thinks to himself of the role reversal. Gabriel needed him now.

And his little dove wouldn’t abandon him.



Tagging: @sdavid09 @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @unleashthemidnight @sumara62 @clockworkmorningglory @whinywingedwinchester @ourloveisforthelovely @stay-frosty-royal-unicorn @chelsea072498 @galaxiesinmymind @sakurablossom4

Wonderful as always!!!

well this hurt…

Waaaahhhhhh!!! All the angsty feels…my heart!!!

Brother

madamelibrarian:

This started out as a conversation between @princessofsabriel @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell and myself.. this is what happens when we open a google doc. 

Thank you, to you beautiful snowflakes for helping me write this. It was great fun to collaborate with you and to have you as co-authors. 

(AO3)


Sam watched his brother collapse at the floor after the younger hunter blasted Lucifer away, watched Dean’s eyes grow distant in grief for his best friend, who he thought was lost to him. Sam felt his heart break for the man in front of him. Castiel was his friend, sure, but to Dean he had always been something more, whether the other man wanted to admit that or not. He stood up from where he’d been thrown, looked around the room. Well, nothing was impossible in this shit-show that was the Winchester’s life, right? There was only one being, besides God himself, that Sam could think of might be able and willing to help them save Cas. He was most likely dead, but Sam had to hope against hope that life would give them a break just this once. So, taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes in silent prayer:

“Gabriel? I’m not sure you can hear me. Hell, I’m not even sure you’re alive. But we need your help if you are. Well, Cas needs your help, actually. I’ve told you about the whole Amara-deal already, so I’ll skip that, but Cas he… he got it into his head that Lucifer could beat her. I don’t know exactly what happened but somehow… Lucifer possessed Cas. Gabriel, Lucifer is in Cas’ body. Cas is still in there and he fought his way to the front to stop Lucifer from killing me, so I’m assuming he’s conscious. But we need to get the devil out of there and… well you’re the only one I could think of that cared enough about him and had the ability to help. Please Gabriel. If you’re out there, please help!”

Releasing his breath, Sam imagined his soul reaching out to Gabriel’s grace, pleading him to help them. Maybe he wanted to stay out of more of the Winchester’s messes, but this was his little brother, surely he’d come out of hiding to help him, to save him?

He waits for almost a full minute and is just about to sigh in defeat at yet another prayer gone unanswered, when 180 pounds of pissed off archangel lands behind him with a swish of wings.


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In The Arms Of An Angel

madamelibrarian:

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of torture, Nightmares

I would’t say it was inspired by but it can be augmented with this song. Also, this has not been beta’d so there may be a tense switch or two.


Sam looked down at the faint scar in his palm and rubbed it absently. A million thoughts ran through his head while everyone slept soundly in their rooms. He hated having insomnia but sometimes the dreams would wake him or he just couldn’t get his mind to slow down enough to stay asleep. Tonight it was the nightmares. 

He was deep enough in his head that he didn’t hear Gabriel pad into the library. The angel paused for a brief moment before sitting beside him, “Penny for your thoughts?”

“They aren’t worth that much,” Sam’s shoulders  straightened, hands ducking below the table to hide them from Gabriel, “What about you? Feeling better?”

Gabriel pursed his lips for a moment, then popped them, “I have feeling back in the ol’ smackers. Another day and I should be able to play a trumpet again.”

Sam snorted, amused at the trumpet comment because he’d read the lore on Gabriel, including his horn. Now he had a mental image of the angel jamming with Charlie Parker. Then he briefly wondered if Gabriel’s horn wasn’t a horn but really an Oboe. In true insomnia fashion, Sam’s brain came up with the dirtiest joke he’d ever thought of in connection to ‘Gabriel’s Oboe’, “Long. Thin. And if you blow it long enough you’ll have a stroke,” he said outloud, then clapped his hand over his mouth when he realized what he’d done. 

Gabriel stopped moving. Staring at Sam in disbelief and then breaking out in a deep belly laugh. “Oh, Sammy. Do I even want to know?”

Blushing fiercely, Sam avoided looking at Gabriel when he gave his answer, “I was thinking about you playing an oboe.”

“An Oboe?”  Gabriel laughed, “I won’t go near a double reed. It’s like fellatiating a bamboo stick.  Now I prefer a nice woodwind or brass.“ 

Now it was Sam’s turn to stare at the Archangel and then start to giggle.

Gabriel reached over and ran his fingers through the hair at Sam’s temples, noting a few stray gray hairs already showing through the chestnut, "You’re exhausted, Kiddo. Get some sleep.”

“Can’t,”  Sam sighed, “I keep dreaming about… everything. And it’s better if I stay awake. That way he can’t come for me.”

“Who? Who’s going to get you?” Gabriel asked softly, not wanting to startle Sam or make him shut down. Something he’d noticed both Winchester’s doing when things got to serious in a conversation about their feelings.

“Dad,” Sam whispered hesitantly, “but not Dad. Lucifer wearing him and then we’re in the cage-” Sam’s voice choked off like someone had cut off the air and replaced it with a small sob. Taking a second to collect himself, he drags a fingernail over his scarred palm,  "he’s torturing me… and Dad’s just smiling down, covered in my blood. Whispering terrible things the whole time. Not good enough. Weak….. abomination.“

Gabriel’s heart broke as he listened to every word this human said. He’d seen a glimpse into Sam’s soul and marveled at how bright it was even with the fissures of pain making it look like marble instead of glass.  Blinking away the tears of shame for what his family had put this boy through, Gabriel wrapped his arms around the gentle giant, holding him close. 

At first Sam struggled against the hug, but when he heard Gabriel shushing him and felt a hand stroking over his hair, he melted into it. Opening up  in a way he would never do with Dean because his brother would probably brush it off or tell him to suck it up.  Sam’s breathing became more ragged with every draw until he was weeping into Gabriel’s shoulder, clutching at the angel like he was the last life preserver on the Titanic.

Gabriel was patient. He’d raised young angels. Hide from his family for centuries and watched stars be born and die out, but nothing was harder to wait out than a man in this much pain. Even thought it was hard, he waited and offered what comfort he could. After a while Sam calmed down but didn’t bother to move from Gabriel’s arms. The human was so touch starved that Gabriel contemplated smacking the hell out of Dean in the morning for neglecting the sibling he swore to take care of. 

Taking a deep breath, Gabriel whispered to him, "Come on, Sam. Let’s get you to bed. I’ll stay and tell you about my horn. Maybe if we’re lucky I can  keep your monsters away and maybe you’ll scare a few of mine along the way.”

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Siren’s Lullaby – Chapter 1 – UmbraeCalamitas – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 6/?
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Sam Winchester & Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester & Gabriel, Sam Winchester & Mary Winchester, Castiel & Mary Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Gabriel & Raphael & Castiel, Dean Winchester/Castiel, Mary Winchester & Raphael, Zadkiel & Sam Winchester
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Mary Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel, Raphael (Supernatural), Morpheus, Zadkiel, Nuriel, Sariel, Michael (Supernatural), Hecate
Additional Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Protective of Sam Winchester, Protective Gabriel, BAMF Gabriel (Supernatural), BAMF Dean Winchester, Morpheus is the best little doggie, Who is sometimes a big doggie, Sam Winchester’s curiosity, Angel Sam Winchester, Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Chuck is God, John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD, De-Aged Sam Winchester, angel grace, Wingfic, Team as Family, Insecure Sam Winchester, Insecure Gabriel, Dark Magic, Age Regression/De-Aging, Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, terrible memories, Hallucinations, Hellhounds, BTGOG-verse, TheRiverScribe, Fledglings, Post-Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, Fluff and Angst, Grief, Loss, loss of a loved one, Family as Flock, Anxiety, Enochian, What do you call a fanfic of a fanfic?, fanfic-ception, Emotional Baggage, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Loki, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Castiel/Dean Winchester
Summary:

When Sam stumbles across an object of dark magic in the bunker, he is sealed inside a room and forced to suffer through his greatest fears. Dean and the others desperately try to find out how to rescue him from behind wards that can stop an archangel, but even if they get him out of the room, will they be able to save him from his own mind?

Inspired by the By the Grace of God series, by TheRiverScribe.
– written after chapter six of Teach Your Children.

Siren’s Lullaby – Chapter 1 – UmbraeCalamitas – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]

Siren’s Lullaby – Chapter 1 – UmbraeCalamitas – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 4/?
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Sam Winchester & Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester & Gabriel, Sam Winchester & Mary Winchester, Castiel & Mary Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Gabriel & Raphael & Castiel, Dean Winchester/Castiel, Mary Winchester & Raphael, Zadkiel & Sam Winchester
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Mary Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel, Raphael (Supernatural), Morpheus, Zadkiel, Nuriel, Sariel, Michael (Supernatural), Hecate
Additional Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Protective of Sam Winchester, Protective Gabriel, BAMF Gabriel (Supernatural), BAMF Dean Winchester, Morpheus is the best little doggie, Who is sometimes a big doggie, Sam Winchester’s curiosity, Angel Sam Winchester, Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Chuck is God, John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD, De-Aged Sam Winchester, angel grace, Wingfic, Team as Family, Insecure Sam Winchester, Insecure Gabriel, Dark Magic, Age Regression/De-Aging, Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, terrible memories, Hallucinations, Hellhounds, BTGOG-verse, TheRiverScribe, Fledglings, Post-Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, Fluff and Angst, Grief, Loss, loss of a loved one, Family as Flock, Anxiety, Enochian, What do you call a fanfic of a fanfic?, fanfic-ception, Emotional Baggage, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Loki, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Castiel/Dean Winchester
Summary:

When Sam stumbles across an object of dark magic in the bunker, he is sealed inside a room and forced to suffer through his greatest fears. Dean and the others desperately try to find out how to rescue him from behind wards that can stop an archangel, but even if they get him out of the room, will they be able to save him from his own mind?

Inspired by the By the Grace of God series, by TheRiverScribe.
– written after chapter six of Teach Your Children.

Siren’s Lullaby – Chapter 1 – UmbraeCalamitas – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]

Not Once, But Twice

atc74:

atc74:

Written for @sunskittlex and her One Prompt For All 100 Followers Challenge. Congratulations on the milestone, Sunny! The prompt was “I know you, and you’re better than this.”

Word Count: 2260

Warnings: Mentions of death, mentions of coming back from the dead, monsters, canon level violence

Pairing: Sam x Eileen

A/N: This takes place somewhere after the S12 finale when the BMOL were hunting down the hunters and killing them. May contain spoilers. This is the angstiest thing I have written in probably a year. 

image

Sam stared at his laptop screen in disbelief. The video chat app said it was Eileen calling, but that couldn’t be. Eileen Leahy had died; Sam had seen her cold, lifeless body for himself. Her beautiful, porcelain skin ripped to shreds by some monster. He and Dean didn’t even bother to track it and kill, it was working for the British Men of Letters.

Heart thumping in his chest, he looked around the empty motel room cautiously before he hit the answer button.

“Eileen?” Sam marveled. It was her face he was seeing and he leaned in closer to the screen.

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My heart has been squished and torn to pieces

Alone Again – treefrogie84 – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Amelia Richardson/Sam Winchester
Characters: Sam Winchester
Additional Tags: Background Relationship, Between Seasons 7 and 8, sam hit a dog, Depressed Sam, Psychic Sam
Summary:

Sam jackknifes out of bed, cold sweat gluing the sheets to him, thrashing his way back to consciousness. Panting, he rubs a hand across his face, frowning when it comes away bloody. He gets up, has a glass of whiskey, and goes back to bed. It’s a nightmare, it has to be. Dean is dead, exploded with Dick.

Alone Again – treefrogie84 – Supernatural [Archive of Our Own]